You should put in a warning for those high synths in the comments, I'm pretty sure I have tinnitus now.
Okay, what's apparent is that there's too many melodies playing at roughly the same octave, and too much delay on the instruments in the main section, both of those factors clutter the sound too much to make out the melody. That much delay should be reserved for background sfx and only used in the foreground only if you know the delay won't interfere with the main melody.
Now about the beginning, it sounds kinda empty when it first starts out. Even though you got that effect going on in the background in the intro, it still seems to lack something. I think it's the C-F-E-D-C pattern of the melody in the beginning, it doesn't hit any emotional buttons for me. It might also be a personal bias, as I usually start my songs one of three ways: A slow chord progression, a relatively quick melody or tons of drums or sound effects.
Lastly, the instruments all seem to not be panned to the left or right and playing at roughly the same volume (except the high synths), which also contributes to the difficulty of separating the various elements from each other.
Sorry for so much criticism, I do have something good to say though. First, good job on building these synths, they sound pretty good. Second, that section from 1:45-1:53 and the other sections are pretty damn clever.
Keep making music bro, you're at that point where you'll keep growing by leaps and bounds. I remember when I was at that point, and I look back and am shocked by how good I got in such little time. Keep experimenting with different effects and synths too, I want to see what you come up with.
thanks for the big review. I think you are correct to many similar sounds cluttering up the mix and to much delay taking away the definition from the melody. PErhaps its a dull chord progression. Im always using the same ones though seems hard to mix it up. I really need to learn music theory or experiment more. Instuments arent panned anywhere all central but they have ping pong delay.....
I think to progress I should learn to play keys/piano and music theory. I can make far more interesting work with my guitar but cant put that into my piano playing.