I thought it was pretty good actually, maybe inflect an pause more with certain phrases for effect? Think Vincent Price's dramatic readings. Good test though the tone was pretty much perfect.
Thank you, sir! I see where you're coming from with the pauses (or lack of, rather). I originally recorded this for an Instagram post (I kind of had to move it along because of the 15 second limit) so that definitely had an impact on what I could do in terms of timing. I will certainly keep that in mind for the future, though. Thanks again!
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.