If there is one thing that might cause people to like the song, it is probably because it is so acute (not always). I can't really tell you how to fix it. You basically have two choice :
1 : experiment, do tons of things then watch the result, one day you will find it. And if you just can't, go to point 2
2 : ask for help directly to more experienced artists (if you want to I can send you a list of artists I know that could help you)
maybe, maaaayyybbbe that putting VSTs of real instruments will help.... I am not sure though....
But I still like it! I like the melody, even though it is acute, and that I have sensible ears.