It's actually very good, the only notice i have is the mastering, specifically the kick, i think it should be more pumpy, more powerful, maybe it's the other sounds making it sound weak because in some spots the kick is awesome (Some quiet spots) so I guess you need to work on your mixing more.
Author Comments
Rewritten from scratch, no samples from the original song used.
(I would have put the vox in but I want to avoid any potential legal issues here T__T)
aCeta responds:
Yeah, I feel you there. Punchy kicks are hard to make sound perfect, especially with so much going on. Either it sounds awesome but clips the song or its not powerful enough.
Thanks for the review, and maybe have a look at some of my incomplete stuff?
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aCeta 
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Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.
