Thank you for this wonderful piece. It reminds me a little of the game The Crooked Man by Uri. I enjoy listening to this allot, I hope you keep up the good work!
Needs More To It
It feels like you're playing the same set of notes with a bit of variation. Where do the low and heavy chords come in. This song is like a bird flapping its wings on a windless day. What would make this song perfect is the metaphorical singing of the bird. Low notes that back up the melody. It's really hard to explain but just get some low tones behind the melodyl
Here's some constructive criticism... :)
Right I will break this down into sections to help give you an idea of what I felt from it. Please understand I am not trying to put you down, my critique is honest, and also I understand you are not a trained pianist etc :) First of all I will point out the overall good points -> It flowed well, you kept to the tempo, you played with dynamic sensitivity, it would have been better if you had widened the contrast a bit more by incorporating lower bass notes.
0:00 - 1:00
Ok so you've got this melody in the right hand, a slow sad sounding one. It repeats a few times, truthfully speaking, I find myself really struggling to carry on listening at this point. It isn't until the 1 minute mark that I felt like I wanted to carry on listening.
Suggestions that I would say, to make this part better - have more variety in the left hand, the broken chords you use in the left hand all linger around the same sort of notes, it gets very monotonous. I understand you're not a well trained pianist, so perhaps it's hard for you to jump to those lower notes, I don't know.
1:00 - 2:25
This part, at the start, I was kinda annoyed that you didn't immediately use the new 'motif' you'd come up with [I.e when you hit the high note, it should have developed into a new version of the melody, this would have worked very nicely and in fact you did do this later on, which I will come to.] This part got a bit faster, but again, the left hand was very repetitive, and left much to be desired.
This is where you did the first part that I really liked. The way you took the melody up an octave, the increase of contrast gave a nice feeling. It would have been even better, if you had made the left hand go an octave lower. That would have increased the contrast even more, and yielded an even more expressive shift in texture.
1. Vary the speed at which you play. The left hand could have been made to go doubly faster for instance. Or it could have been made slower.
2. Try using a wider contrast/range of notes. This makes the music more vivid/expressive.
3. At times, when it comes to a part of the music that is most expressive, really emphasize it by making it significantly louder/quieter. I know you did this to some extent, just ... do it even more. :)
Basically it's a nice effort, you have great sense of dynamics, study melody/harmony a bit more, and if you have any questions etc how to do that then ask me whenever - have a listen to some of my music even, I won't ask you to trust my advice without backing it up with solid work. Hope this helps in some way! :) Keep it up.
Wow... now this is a kind of review when I say: awesome and a huge thank you for taking your time to write all this down and give constructive ideas. You are absolutely right in all your points. The left hand is a big struggle for me and it is difficult to make drastical variations in the melody with it without loosing focus on the right hand... need more practice I gues...
But the velocity. speed and the octave shift idea is really good I'll keep that in mind for sure! Thanks for your comment (also for the other song)!
keep it up
Haha.... nice comment well done. You say good (after that I'd suggest to have a score about 6-7) but you give me a 5 which is a quite medicore rating.
At least you could have wrote some reasons, point critics on the song or maybe some constructive criticism how to improve the song (you don't have to be a composer genious you just have to share your ideas opinions, etc.) - but I know I'm asking too much with that.
I'm starting to get fed up with one-word critics (great, good, okay, awesome, etc.) - people are just hearing the music but not listening to it in depths. Like watching but not seeing things...
BUT... at least you wrote a comment. Well my thank you is deserved you just need to give some contructive criticism. So keep it up, you can do it...
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.