First off. You make far better music that's not on the computer =P That may not sound like a compliment, but it totally is. It's better to be good in real life, then on the computer.
Now onto the review:
I agree somewhat with what Mr. Cebster said, but I also disagree. Yes it is early, but the earlier the better. Mastering can make all the difference in a song. I came across a song earlier that made that point proven, where they had this one synth too loud and it shattered my headphones. Literally. The left side won't work >:(
Anyways, you don't have the mastering down, but it's still fairly decent for a first song that is. I'd like to know what program you used for this?
Overall man, you've got the melody stuff down. Just gotta get that mastering stuff.
sorry for my belated responses to well.. everything haha.
i'm using fl studio 9, but i was basically just using one mixer and the piano roll on like two different vsts haha
im not sure im going to keep working on computer generated music, but i'd love to take your advice :p
dont worry about eq
haha not yet at least. haha im jealous of people like you who started with music first then got into doing it with a comp. that means your already a step ahead half of everyone on new grounds (although its not a race). good work, the melody sounds epic. don't give up with computer made music.