Nice work :)

Nice work :)

Great Work!

Well LyRikLyNkLyNd, This is a great piece of work you did here! The song itself is pretty deep, and the lyrics pull you into the song. However, the song has a few petty flaws that can easily be ironed out.
You picked a good subject to make the song about, but at a few points in the song I can barely hear your voice above the music. This means I have to rewind the song in order to make out what it was you said, and that takes away from the overall effect the songs leaves on me. I'd recommend that you crank up the volume on your voice, so that we can all hear you a little easier!
Like Lidlurch said, the second half is a little off, but it isn't too terribly bad. This just means you'll have to do a little ironing on the song...

Other than those few flaws, the song is great and is pretty deep. The beat is solid and not repetitive to the point of annoyance, and augments the lyrics pretty well. I also like the fact that you didn't synthesize your voice or change it in any way I can tell from listening to it casually.
I'd love to hear more of this type of stuff from you, I'll be sure to listen to the rest of your stuff and look forward to the new songs you put out!

You're really talented, so keep up the great work!
White boy out.

-Eastep

aside from the awesome lyrics and deep meaning...

my only criticisms are that:

Try to make the beggining a bit more different than the rest of the song so that it's easier to tell that you're mocking someone else

the rapping seems a little off through the second half: as if the pronunciations are a little slow and there are too many syllables per word (you could definetly pull it off though)

I completely agree with everything in these lyrics! They're incredible, and you have some serious talent. I won't pretend like I've got a lot of experience with rapping (just check out http://www.myspace.com/juvenileparadi se lol that was a long time ago) but i know enough to know that this is really really good stuff! The backgrounds are fantastic, and no matter how many times they repeat, they never get old. keep it up!

deep

this shits got meaning and soul to it, which makes it stand out from the rest.
i suggest messing around with adding an extra word on some lines that rhyme. for example if you end a line with a rhyme, have the rhyming word a 2nd time in the background to accentuate the rhyme more. i hope you know what im sayin. its in alot of rap songs.
good job dude

oooh me like

i like it, it has a good message behind it, with a smooth lyrical flow

5/5