(gaia) va pirate contest

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(gaia) va pirate contest

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Author Comments

E-PORN-ium, an online, adult movie distribution company, called an IT Temp Service because one of their finest customer service reps was out for the day.
They asked for someone who was familiar with pirated software, so the worker could tell when a crook was attempting to return a ripped/burned movie.
What they got, was a washed up pirate, working day jobs, to support his perpetual Rum habit.

Cap'n Jack Black Long John Gorton Jolly Silver Sparrow Rogers is his name.
His orientation is over and he's been given his bluetooth headset.
Now his day begins simply by answering incoming calls.

Script (in case you can't make out all the Seaman's Babble.)

*BUSY CALL CENTER AMBIENCE, THEN THE CAP'N's LINE RINGS*

===PIRATE=== Yo, ho, ho? Ahoy, ye land lubbin' Matey! I be thankin' ye fer bellowin' ye telly sails fer E-PORN-ium, online sales and sutler services. What can I be ballyhoo'in ye fer yer X-Rated fourbering needs?

--CUSTOMER-- Uh, yeah. . . Hello? I just need to exchange two movies I ordered for my boyfriend last week. A Scanner COCKly and CROTCHmen, uh, he already had one of the movies and the other one, just doesn't seem to be compatible with our Blu-Ray.

===PIRATE=== Blue seas and ye briny deep. Begad, ye filthy bilge sucker! Scurvy wench, be needin' more booty?

--CUSTOMER-- Look, first off, I'm not a wench. Number two, YOU are a freak. Number three, it's not BOOTY he's into, Ok?

===PIRATE=== Indeed, Bucko! As Mad Sally tossin' doubloons at ye fairest and plumpest chested wenches, me deadlights spot and floggin' me scuppers in da head da villainous whore.

--CUSTOMER-- Can I just order a copy of DICKstrict 9 and G.I. Joe: Rise of the One-Eyed Flesh Cobra?

===PIRATE=== Bein' ye corsair chandler, are we? Me cutlass 'twould slice through me hearties and finest reef to settle ye addled discontent.

--CUSTOMER-- Jus-just if you would, just let me speak to a Supervisor, right now.

===PIRATE=== That filthy, poxy, scallawag dog fair winds and Godspeed, mah Lady!
Yes, just one second please.

*ON-HOLD MUZAC*

For some reason, it's comin' up as 1:01.
If timed with a stopwatch you'll see it's really only 1:00 long.
You have NO IDEA just how long I tweeked out on shaving this clip down.
Not that you give a rat's arse anyway.
Man, it's hard to create a developed atmosphere in 60 seconds.
Especially when you're an obsessive, chatty hag too.

I had to cut out the stickler Supervisor and him having to let Cap'n go, almost ALL of the "on hold" music at the very end, and quite a few Pirate phrases as well.
It's sheit, but I hope it still brings someone a smile.
If anyone actually took the time to translate his Arg-ish Jibberish, they would see, his comments are quite accurate to a non-sea lovin' Jack.

Good luck to everyone who entered and may the best swashbucklin' buccaneer
score ye booty an' doubloons to boot!

Whatever, good luck Newgrounders! Uh, huh-huh. . . Arg.

Sincerely,
"Lady Be Stabbin' Ye in da Face Wit her Cutlass, after she pillages yer Grog and strangles yer Parrot"
Gaia

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TehNameWasTaken

2010-01-09 22:07:57

Lulzy.

In the author's comment's you called yourself a "chatty hag" althogh i've never seen you, i'd probably doubt that (especially if that picture at the top of your page is you). Anyway i'd say a pirate as a telephone guy is original and very funny (usually it's a mexican (please don't kill me and call me racist because i am not)). Also, having good pirate speak is good for "national talk like a pirate day" as well as contests such as this. But i also agree with that guy below me, creative names are funny. If i ever submit anything (doubtful) i'll have to make up some ludicrous names.

rednikaiaG responds:

Ha TNWT!!!!!
Thanks for the compliment. That picture IS me, (I mean, at least HALF of me) at the top of my page. But, for all you know, the OTHER half of me, could be terribly deformed due to an accidental caustic acid throwing, a horrible weed whacker mishap or me slipping into a ginormous vat of boiling oil. Who knows?!
Naw seriously though, thank you. That made me smile.
And naw, naw, naw, don't worry, I'm NOT gonna call you a racist, Man. If it makes you feel any better, how about I make a little judgmental statement, of my own, Ok? We must live in entirely different parts of the World, because almost any and all customer service representatives I get a hold of, are Eastern Indian. *resists the urge to comment further, about the fact how they're usually bearing very Westernized names like, Bill, Kathy or Dave*
Oh and I really appreciate the props about the porn names. I found that to be one of the most fun parts of doin' THIS skit. Thanks so much AGAIN, for always giving me a bigger head, than I had before I read your reviews. =)

..............Take care, be good and keep on LULzin' it up, TNWT.period
:(Gaia:)

vago187

2009-10-29 11:24:58

hahahahaha

this is brilliant, love it. Your voice acting is great!
"One-Eyed Flesh Cobra"

rednikaiaG responds:

Yayz vago187----------! ! ! ! !
You came, you came! Thanks for checkin' this out AND leaving me your thoughts, Man. That means a LOT (especially seeing as how I love everything I've heard by you so far - particularly that Church Phone skit, I heard AWHILE back). The Dirty Movie names were a blast to think up. Heh heh heh
----A Scanner COCKly
----CROTCHmen
----DICKstrict 9 and
----G.I. Joe: Rise of the One-Eyed Flesh Cobra
These are ALL masterpieces, you should rent from your local porn shop.

...............Take care, be good and make mock porn flicks.period
:(Gaia:)

Bad-Man-Incorporated

2009-10-15 00:25:23

Awesome.

Sorry for the delay getting to you. ;)
You are awesome. This shit if funny as fuck. And you are flawless in your accent, as far as I can tell. haha.
Awesome.

Indeed, buck-0. haha.

Current Score

4.13 / 5.00 (+ 0.015)

rednikaiaG responds:

Baddest-Man-In-all-of-thy-Metal-Thras hin'-World------>
I can always count on you to keep my ego up, Man. There's nothin' like a ginormous balloon head, bobbling atop my shoulders because of people like you, rockin' out my review boards. Thanks a shitload for taking time out to stop by, drop a few words, click on a vote and leave a much sought after review.
You're the best, Man and hey, I'm STILL waiting on that ride, you know. *winks*
I've missed ya, BMI. Hope to see you and your axe 'round here more. Let me know how everything's goin' too. Until you inflate my head again. . .

............Take care, be good and give Moustache Rides.period
:(Gaia:)

ageReason

2009-10-06 08:19:20

Intoxicating.

Your pirate voice is not bad at all. I'm pretty surprised at how all of your pirate phrases hold up. It seems to me like it's not at all uncommon for folks to just say things that sound piratesque while forfeiting coherency.

rednikaiaG responds:

Yeah, I agree completely, ageReason------>
I DID go to quite a few "Pirate Translating" websites to replace MOST of the normal spoken phrases, written for "his" part. You know, I gotta say, you're the first person, I think, that's complimented THAT specifically, let alone, took the time to investigate if what I was even saying WAS a real phrase or not. Thanks, Man. Hell, I didn't even have to bribe you to come here and let me know what you thought either. Thanks. I'm happy the Pirate Speak was translated by someone else OTHER than myself. Still sux about the time limits on this particular one, but eh, what can you do?
You're awesome, ageReason. Thanks again.

.............Take care, be good and speak true languages.period
:(Gaia:)

Neophyte-Ronin

2009-10-03 17:24:27

Not the Best Range, but Excellent Atmosphere!

It's hard when I say you tried to get too gravelly with the pirate voice (not all pirates speak like that) and got borderline Gnomish (think World of Warcraft) with the lady. Still, you got a wonderful sense of humor; I had this looping for a bit until it got infectious for me to chuckle and laugh a bit. Excellent atmospheric production, by the way; telephone customer service with the indecipherable slang of an eighteenth century privateer... and with pornography! Kevin Smith would be pleased (ever see that "ordering videos" scene from "Clerks"?).

Post-Script: I feel like a total dick for not realizing you spelled your Grounds Gold username backwards; I've been calling you "Red" when you're better known as "Gaia Kinder". I mean, what the fuck, Thibeault?

rednikaiaG responds:

Aw, don't be so hard on yourself, Neo------>
I'm just happy that you actually vote honestly AND leave reviews. That's an infinitely important gift, to give someone, who's looking to gauge, what others think of her work. See? You're doing exactly what you should be doing.
That's why they call it CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
As for the porno ordering scene on "Clerks" . . . yes Sir, I HAVE seen it. I thought of it while I was thinking of my own porno names, too! Heh heh heh Hell, If ONLY Kevin Smith even listened to this skit, I'd be uber excited. SO much so, that I just might wet myself. That'd be excellent, unbelieveably so, though.
Don't feel like a dick, Man. What's up with you tonight? Why are you being so mean to my friend, Neo? Chill. It's all good in the NG Hood. Ah-ite? Fo Rull, Main. I never told anyone my name was reversed. You weren't the only one who called me that. I don't care or mind at all. If I did, I would have told you differently. Ok? Oh and I hate to sound like an idiot, but what the Hell is Thibeault? Is that YOUR last name? Take it easy, you know I get confused easily! Ha!
Thanx again, Neo. You're the best! Until next time. . .

..............Take care, be good and be nice to yourself. I mean it!exclamation point
:(Gaia:)