I like the ascending piano line at the beginning. The dreamy atmosphere at :20 definitely sends the piece in a different direction, and the vocals at :35 are a pleasant surprise. I especially like the echo effects on the vocals at 1:07. The transition at 1:20 was a bit sudden - up to that point, it felt like the piece had a lot of forward momentum, and the mellow piano breakdown threw me off a bit.

The vocal delivery can also be a bit overdone at times - the emphasis on the melisma syllables at the end of each line is often a tad too strong, and at other times (notably “dreamt” at 2:00) it also sounds trembling and uncertain. I also think the piece could have flowed a bit smoother during the transition at 2:28. The synth there cuts off very suddenly, as does the filter on the piano a split second later. That might be intentional, but it also sounds pretty unnatural in context. That said, the rich atmosphere at 2:30 hits the piece home nicely, and the majestic outro is a nice touch as well.

Overall, there’s a lot to like about this piece, from the poetic lyrics to the dreamy sound design to the melodies. I think the arrangement is a tad disjointed in places, and aspects of the vocal recording and mix could use a bit more polish (the instrumental track gets noticeably a bit louder in between vocal lines). That said, I commend you for the fun compositional details, like the fluttering, bird-like synth line that appears at :57, right after the vocal line about the phoenix. :D Keep at it, Kiiri! Thanks for coming out to the NGUAC. ^_^

Mixing, mastering, and balance
1.75/2
Structure, transitions, phrasing, and variety
1/1.5
Melody, tonality, harmony, and texture
1.75/2
Instrumentation and sound design
1/1
Emotion, atmosphere, and catchiness
1.25/1.5
Originality and uniqueness
1/1
Overall (how do the elements above interact?)
.5/1
Composite score
8.25/10

I really enjoy the arrangement, choice of FX, and lyrical composition of this piece.

Something is off on the vocal mix. It has some very harsh T and S sounds, which, while tamed for the most part, still stick out against the instrumental. Also, there are some boomy plosives not tamed -- a manual hi-pass on those syllables of p, b, and so on will help rid the vocal of these; they are causing it not to sit as well as it could. In general, I think balancing away from the low end of the vocal, pushing it back a bit and actually giving more to the wet signal on it (sidechaining ofc to the vox) will help enmesh them.

In short, I would further de-ess the vocal, and to compensate also thin it out on the EQ. Performing at a quieter volume at this intimate mic distance, aiming for airy, scratchy, vocal fry may also assist.

The swallow and mouth noises also took me out of my element pre-drop.

I was disappointed that the song only lasted 3 minutes. I would have liked to hear that final drop repeat. However I would pull the key synths down slightly, as well as the organ/sustained pads, and again add a bit more air on the vocal. Some tonal separation on those EQs would do much good.

Otherwise I enjoyed it. Good work!

Nice to hear your music kiiri! You really succeeded in building up a gorgeous atmosphere with this one. 0:27 gave me goosebumps. Love the reverses mixed into your vocals too, which really helps make an otherworldly atmosphere. Barely relevant to anything, but I can't say I've heard the word "cairn" used in a song, which was actually quite refreshing! You're a poet, and that also comes across in the subtler elements of your composing/arranging (that breath at 02:28, as an example). "Tis the path upon the stars we etched" is such a strong line. If I might say so, I'd really have loved to hear the track ring out at the end; I feel it's a slight shame the tail gets cut off at 3:18. With such a beautifully crafted atmosphere, I wanna bathe in some of that afterglow, y'know? This is one of my favourite submissions, and I'll look forward to hearing more of your music, for sure. Best of luck in the NGUAC finals!