-the eighth day of Shitsmas-

"Hey Santa, your ass is mine now, bitch!"

On December 24th, Santa Claus came to visit the Smiths

While dropping off presents, he went to check on Elizabeth

He creeped upstairs, to get into her room

But his fat ass footsteps made a loud ass boom!

Her little brother, Jimmy, came to investigate the sounds

But he would soon regret it, right as Mr. Claus turned around

His fat ass gut slammed Jimmy and knocked him down the stairs

Broke his neck, his back, and little knee, and he was just gasping for air

Mr. and Mrs. Smith are taking Santa Claus to court

They’re gonna get every penny he's worth

So Santa, you better hire yourself a lawyer

You’d better call Saul, or you’re in hot water!

Santa was found guilty and convicted on all counts

So then they had to transport him straight to the jailhouse

In prison, he was met with every naughty kid who got coal

Well, I can’t say much, but now Santa’s got a much wider asshole

He met up with some kids who used to be nice

They respected him cause he made their shitty lives better for one night

They started a gang and called it “Saint Nick’s Elves”

They all made shanks and decided to give the naughty boys some hell

But everyone got in trouble, their sentences prolonged

None of them had thought that what they had done was really any wrong

But Santa got a gift of his own from the mayor

“Santa Claus, we’re gonna let you out on good behaviour.”

Mr. and Mrs. Smith are taking Santa Claus to court

They’re gonna get every penny he's worth

Santa did his time and got out fast

You’d better be nice, or Santa’s gonna kick your ass!

"Oh my god, did you hear what he did? I'm not letting him in my house, or near my kids after that little slip-up, ugh!"

"I don't know, he could be innocent for all we know! It might just be cancel culture at this point..."

"Fuck that, you know what he did!"

Public perception of him was never the same

He alone took all of the blame

Nobody would let him in their house again

Christmas seems to have met its end

Santa got depressed, and missed his jail buddies

He went to a random guy on the street who yelled, “Whaddya want from me?”

He knocked that fucker’s lights out, and made his head spin

Now he’s back in the prison again

And he likes it!