-the fifth day of Shitsmas-

Santa caught Sally playing with herself, and masturbation is a sin

So he's gonna cop a feel and then he's gonna go in, in, in

Emily stole some candy bars and lied and said she didn't

Mister Kringle's gonna drop her drawers and steal something of hers, then

He sees you when you're sleeping, and that keeps him awake!

He knows if you've been bad or good, so lock your bedroom doors for goodness' sake!

He's got two lists that he checks twice, he writes down if you're naughty or nice

If you're a good girl, you'll get some treats, but if you're not, you get STDs!

Santa's for a bitch on the side

She'll have him take her for a ride

Put her legs up on the back of the sleigh

She wants Santa to keep bangin' her all day

Evelyn got curious and walked in on her brother, so Santa's gonna have to get her first so he can bang her mother

Eric was caught spray paintin' the sleigh, but he just gets coal 'cause Santa don't swing that way!

He's got two lists that he checks twice, he writes down if you're naughty or nice

If you're a good girl, you'll get some treats, but if you're not, you get STDs!

Santa's for a bitch on the side

She'll have him take her for a ride

Put her legs up on the back of the sleigh

She wants Santa to keep bangin' her all day

Santa's Naughty List is gettin' long

Kris Kringle has been doin' some wrong

He goes down the chimney of every house

He goes down on any creature, even a mouse

One night, he got caught

Video evidence of him gettin' hot

He went to take the wrong girl this time

Now all of Facebook knows of his crime

Mrs. Claus knows you cheated!

When you get back home, you're in for a beatin'

It can't get worse, 'til she breaks your furniture

Ya gonna get divorced for bein' a pervert!

All your elves are gonna quit

No more help for old Saint Nick

Next year's Christmas is gonna be shit

'Cause we won't get any god damn gifts!

The moral of this story is

Don't you be a cheating dick

Your reputation will be torn

So just whack off and stick to porn!