Ooh, Mariah, can’t wait to get inside ya

Pop out them tits, let’s make a Christmas hit

All I want for Christmas is you to stop singing

Your mouth can do better work, you know what I’m thinking

Ever since you and I broke up,

I still wanna fuck

Guess I’m out of luck

So I hope I can forget you

Oh, my God, it’s November!

Christmas songs come on before December!

And now I have to hear her again!

They let her out of her cage again!

Mariah Carey is uncaged!

Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z must be saved!

Mariah’s got me in a rage!

I hate!

“Don’t do this man,

You can save yourself for Doja Cat

Mariah’s worth a lot of money”

Oh, I don’t care, you’re dead, honey!

God, I need to get that song out my head

Fuck, I keep on seeing only red

So I’m gonna aim at her head

And paint the town red

“Did you kill Mariah Carey?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you kill her?”

“I was sick of hearing her every year on the radio.”

“Sorry son, she survived.”

“What?!”

I write to you from prison

In here, I am dead

You aren’t

You are alive, damn it

Well, at least you’re ugly now.