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YOU ARE - hania

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Author Comments

You are giving yourself to me
How could you ever be so ignorant
I don't want your love
I don't want your heart
Can you understand we should stay apart

You are living my life for me
That's great!
Until you fuck up.

Don't you know that I have a brain inside
Can you understand that my life is mine
Tell me a time when you wrote me a letter
Or even spoke the words
"Do - you - want - me?"

NO!
I don't recall those words
You just assumed that I'm a girl
I girl who wants you
A girl who needs you
A girl who... loves you

You are throwing your pain at me
How could you ever be so difficult
I can understand that you're just a man
But I'm more complicated

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Some Constructive Criticism.

well... I really dont wanna be just the next one down here to say "great work, I damire your voice, simple but effective" blablabla etc etc etc, so I'm gonna try and find some BAD things about this song. Assuming you're still reading your reviews.

Okaay.. so I got a few points of critique.

1)

The Song is waaaaay too short. You need some more minutes to make it more attractive! As a listener, when I#m listening to a Song with Lyrics, I want to be taken on a Journey, I want to forget the rest of the World for a while. 1min 46sec is NOT a while. It's 1min46secs. Baraely a moment in time, a biink of an eye. I need prolonged lyrical entertainment. And this Song needs at least 4-5 more stanzas.

2)

MORE piano. When you make a Song with just ONE instrument, you can't just use it as a tool to lay some harmonies underneath the singing and play a few fills here and there... otherwise it just feels incomplete. And c'mon.. this Song DOES feel incomplete.
The Instrument you use needs to retell the story of the Lyrics; compose Musical phrases that mirror the Protagonist's feelings; the various changes the story undergoes until it's conclusion; phrases that emphasize the (at least two) different points of view the characters in your story have. Make it EPIC, not in the sense that word is used in mostly nowadays, but in its TRUE sense: Telling a story. That's what an instrument is supposed to do.

I do get it that this Song is intended to be a "fun" Song, and it totally sounds like one. But I kinda listened to about everything you put on newgrounds, and in my opinion the critique above can be applied to all of your works that are meant to stand by themselves (scores for filmmusic are something entirely different), so it kinda didn't matter where i posted this.
I totally dig your Song "Hypnotize" which is much more complete than most (Still not perfect, though).

I don't mean to be disrespectful in ANY way, I'm just offering some helpful advice for your future projects. I hope you get what I'm trying to convey in this (probably much too long) review.

I really do like your work and I hope you continue producing Songs on your current Level, hopefully even better.

Cheers!
- VoD

Credits & Info

Author

Listens
30,646
Faves:
127
Votes
68
Score
4.79 / 5.00

Uploaded
Nov 20, 2007
5:42 AM EST
File Info
Song
1.6 MB
1 min 46 sec

Licensing Terms

You are free to copy, distribute and transmit this work under the following conditions:

Attribution:
You must give credit to the artist.
Noncommercial:
You may not use this work for commercial purposes. *
No Derivative Works:
You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work.

*Please contact me if you would like to use this in a commercial project. We can discuss the details.