Aren't craft beer nerds supposed to have beards and flannel shirts? Alex learns the perils of stereotyping the hard way.

Based on a classic tale adapted into a comic and penned by summontheelectorcounts and lomasderzumalos26, with art done by the inimitable beautifulpanda20! This time there's new characters, more TFs, and more meat!

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Fun fact: The wall of text featured on this page was originally half as long. I realized after receiving a draft from Panda that my usual loquacity was insufficient. It beggared belief. Still, I rose to the challenge and sufficiently lengthened the blathering of Engy the bartender, so here it is in its full horror:

Goddamn Sexual Tyrannosaurus. It’s a double IPA with a rich, toasty aroma with just a kiss of subtle floral hops and caramel. For taste it has an assertive, slightly piney hop flavor, clean profile, very low sulfur, and citrusy tones. It’s a touch bitter in the finish, but a great expression of the malts without being cloying. The name derives from a line from the movie ‘Predator’, a 1987 sci-fi action film directed by John McTiernan and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, though the quote was actually said by Blain Cooper, a character played by Jesse Ventura. Anyway, I’m off track. A Double IPA, sometimes called an ‘Imperial’ IPA, is an American-style IPA with double or triple the typical amount of hops which also adds more malts to balance out the added bitterness. The malts are what give a Double IPA its extra alcohol content. They can resemble anything from a Pale Ale to a Barleywine. They come in a spectrum of colors from gold to amber to black, and don’t adhere to a strict or narrow definition, instead taking a truly American ‘no rules’ approach. I know what you’re gonna ask: If it’s ‘no rules’, than what defines a Double IPA? Well, it really is the alcohol content. Anything above 7% ABV is getting into Double IPA territory. Sometimes they climb up to 9%, but anything beyond that is tongue-shredding and borderline undrinkable. I once tried a brew that had a 12% ABV. 12%! Can you imagine? At that point it might as well be champagne. Well, a super hoppy champagne. Anyway, I had to try it at least ‘cause my brother in law made it. I drank it after pouring it into a glass, which was a mistake since that made it super bubbly, and why pour from a bottle into a glass anyway? It’s just extra effort. All these breweries put a lot of thought into their containers and how they’ll interact with their products, and here I am, saying ‘nope, I have a better idea!’ and then pour it into some random glass like a schmuck.
Well, I got what was coming to me, let me tell ya. The carbonation, the oxidation, the sudden exposure to natural light, it all threw an already unstable mixture into chaos, and you know what they say about chaos: The moment it happens, you get the themed gangs. You know, the guys dressed as clowns, the guys dressed as animals, the guys dressed as vampires, and so on? Well they all showed up and chased me halfway through town. I don’t know what they wanted. I just knew that I didn’t want to give it to them. So I peeled off my clothes just so I could run faster. I mean, can you picture it? Me dashing through the streets wearing nothing but a look of absolute terror, dick spinning in the wind? Now that I think about it, I’m not convinced that it was just beer that I drank.

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