(We open on the Iceberge Lounge in Gotham City; the Penguin, the Riddler, Two-Face, and the Ventriloquist are playing poker)

Penguin: So I hear a certain clown is looking to break the Commissioner tonight.

Scarface: And how exactly does he plan to do that? Just gas him?

Riddler: No, that'd be too much of a cop-out for him, he's probably got some big, elaborate scheme set out that Batman'll just throw back in his face.

Two-Face: You're one to talk, Nygma.

Riddler: Yes, but mine make sense.

Penguin: If you ask me, that clown has a deathwish. Going after a cop is one thing, but the police commissioner?

Scarface: He's crazy alright.

Two-Face: There's crazy, then there's stupid.

(Joker bursts in through the front door, out of breath, shutting the doors behind him)

Penguin: Speak of the devil.

Riddler: How'd your little date with the Commissioner go?

Joker: (Catching his breath)I never saw him! I ran all the way here...Oh holy Monitor, my legs feel like torches because they're burning...

Scarface: Chickened out, did ya? What, the sick clown actually has a limit?

Joker: It's not that! I did something bad!

Two-Face: Join the club.

Joker: No, really bad! Something that'll have the whole department riding me like a pony!

Riddler: You poisoned a man with fish last week. How bad can this be?

Joker: I may have accidentally...brutally...permanently...crippled Gordon's daughter.

(Penguin, Riddler, Two-Face, Scarface, and the Ventriloquist all hang their jaws in shock; cuts to the villains at the other tables staring at the Joker, including Harley, Ivy, Bane, Killer Croc, Killer Moth, Scarecrow, Mad Hatter, Deadshot, Magpie, Firefly, Calender Man, Condiment King, and Clayface, all looking horrified...except Zsasz, who's laughing his scarred arse off)

Penguin: Sweet Holy Father in Heaven...

Riddler: How do you accidentally cripple someone!?

Joker: Well...

(Flashback to Joker in his helicopter, which he drives right into Gordon's appartment)

Joker: Hey there, Gordy, I got a new ride for ya! It has everything, music, a freakshow, a throne made of baby-dolls, you'll love iiii-Ooooh shoot.(Looks down to see Barbara is partially under his helicopter)Uh...Okay, slight problem...(Reaches into his pocket and drops some money next to her)Here ya go, Barb, get yourself something nice. My treat.(Runs off)

(Back to the present, with that Penguin is facepalming, Scarface is comforting a crying Ventriloquist, Two-Face just up and stormed off, and Riddler is still processing what he's hearing)

Riddler: What the hell is wrong with you!?

Joker: I didn't mean to hit her!

Penguin: You flew a helicopter into her family's bloody apartment!

Joker: I hit people with my vehicles all the time! How was I supposed to know this time I'd hit someone who mattered!?

Scarface: Well it's too late now, ya did it, and now Gordon's gonna drive his whole squad-car so far up your crap-schute, you'll be honking everytime you talk!

Riddler: That's assuming Batman doesn't get him first. Put five of my men in Arkham's medical wing last week.

Penguin: Remember old Falcone? Poor sap won't be making any more heirs for his little mob now. Not since Batman kicked him.

Joker: Don't remind me! Look, do any of you know where I can hide!? Preferably an abandoned warehouse or old factory!?

Riddler: It's Gotham, you probably overlooked and ran past five of those on your way here.

Penguin: I thought you were a clever schemer, clown.

Joker: I need prep time!

Scarface: (Looks out the front doors)I don't think you'll be gettin' any o' that any time soon.

(The others turn to see blue and red lights flashing outside the lounge)

Bullock: Alright, dirtbags, fork over the clown! We got the place surrounded!

Riddler: This is an injustice! I haven't (knowingly) gotten someone killed in five weeks!

Joker: Is this some kind of sick joke!? How did they find me!?

(A gun is pointed to the back of Joker's head)

Two-Face: I called them. And I told them to dismantle your little circus-ride. And I doxxed you on five different social media platforms.(Holds up his coin)This coin really doesn't like you tonight.

Joker: Dent, you dummy! You're a wanted man too!

Two-Face: I flipped on that too. I will happily drag you to hell with me.

Joker: Now hold on a second!(Gets up on the table as inspirational music plays)Thieves, criminals, crooks, and low-lives, we are all the scum of Gotham's overgrown underbelly! We are, in a sense, eternally alone, or at least we would be, if we didn't have each other! Would you really turn on one of your own, when you know deep down, they are all you have? The closest you have to some friendly comfort in this sewerhole of a town? Where is your honor among your fellow villains?

(Inspirational music stops as we instantly cut to the villains outside pushing Joker to the police)

Riddler: We offer this complete clown as a sacrifice!

Gordon: Alright, Joker, hands where I can see 'em! You're lucky I didn't shotgun your kneecaps for this!

Joker: Alright, you got me. I guess in the end, all it took was one bad night for my plans to fall apart. If there's one thing I learned, it's that you'll never take me alive!(Suddenly runs for it)Joker lives another da-(The Batmobile drives into him, sending him flying across the street)-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(The other villains and Gordon all watch him fly)

Harley: Fly away, Mister J., be free!

(Joker slams into a building and tumbles down its wall, hitting the sidewalk; the villains all wince)

Joker: ...All the bones below my waste are shattered...There's a joke there, but frankly, I'm in too much pain to laugh at it. Eh, what the hell? AHA-OW! Shoot...

(The other villains watch as Joker is hauled off)

Riddler: There's an important lesson in all this.

Penguin: What? Don't cripple a commissioner's daughter?

Riddler: Look both ways before crossing the street.

The Other Villains: Oooh.

Scarface: Yeah, that makes sense.

   The Killing Joke, one of the most well-known and infamous Batman stories out there. In it, the Joker cripples Barbara Gordon, and likely touches her in gross ways as well. This falls under a lot of criticism even to this day, as Barbara was stuffed in the proverbial fridge to progress Gordon, Batman, and Joker's stories. The animated film adaptation tried giving Barbara more story relevance, but uh, we don't talk about that. Alan Moore himself regretted writing it, actually admitted someone at DC should've stopped him, and he said the editor he ran it by actually said "Yeah, cripple the bitch." Yeesh. No way to make such a tasteless scene like that funny unless I just completely change the context. I may be defiling an iconic comic story with this skit, but screw it, Joker is portrayed as some uber-unstoppable demon-in-human-form so much nowadays, I just wanted to try something funny with him. Also, I wanted to try drawing the Joker.

Do not steal. Wanna make art or stories of my stuff, please credit me.

All characters belong to their respective owners/creators.

Joker(c)DC Comics, Warner Bros.