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First draft

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These Will Change And These Are Not All The Characters In EXPERIMENT AND HURT (Please don't give criticism for the love of God)

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The title's too long, and it gets cutoff by the site's own header. The only way I'm able to read it is because it's spelled out in the web-address of this submission... that, and you reiterated it where it was supposed to be in the Author's Comments. A better title for this would've been "Experiment and Hurt rough draft" or "prototype" or "pitch cards v1" or "early concepts"

There's some grammatical errors here or there that were missed.
"An experiment got wrong" would be stronger as "She was a subject of an experiment that went wrong", and the last two have a fullblown sentence that starts with "Escape their gruesome fate" when it would've been more complete as "They escaped their gruesome fate"

If this is people's first impressions of these characters, the Danger Level doesn't mean anything to your audience yet. It takes up a third of their card, and they're all just kinda...greater than midway but not fully a danger, so what's the point of that statistic? If this is meant to illuminate a part of their personality, show us.

If this is an animation or a webcomic or something that's visual, it relies on art: "Show, don't Tell."

Always consider when writing something visual, "Show, don't tell."

So don't be concerned about over-explaining. Be concerned if it reads immediately what you're trying to say about the character, world, or situation.

There's nothing worse for a story than for an audience member to be told that a character is good instead of showing them that the character is good.

We'll believe a character is bad when we're shown a character doing bad things.

Therefore, because first impressions are important, occupy the space of your splash card about your characters with something valuable. Like, depict your characters in their natural states and different emotional extremes.

For example: You already have them all in a full shot to the left. How about two or three medium-shots of them doing what they do best. This one's clumsy, so they're looking embarrassed and apologetic. This one's a hothead, so they're looking irritated or they're in the middle of crashing out. This one's sensitive, so they're bonding with delicate animals or vibing somewhere calm.

The danger level doesn't show us anything. And you seem to be aware of that by feeling the need to establish in parenthesis, right beneath it "(Red=Mad) ...Okay? If it were a strong and informative graphic, it wouldn't require clarification.

ERTAKOI responds:

Thx so much I do appreciate the commentary but That grammar was on purpose it would be really boring if I started formerly, I did not include that personalities yet as their personalities can be to complex or I haven't figured out it yet, I was not really paying attention to the title because I post on multiple apps, the biography is inspired by Terrible Mouse biography and I will include it in the story when I have the motivation to do animation (I know the show and don't tell stories telling method) and the danger level was inspired by another biography (Pls don't leave criticism if the artist doesn't directly stated(Correct me if I am wrong because I'm new to newgrounds)

(In short the biographies were inspired heavily Terrible Mouse (which is another series by another creator Gutiannn on (YouTube)) and another biography (Which is a Murder Drones OC Biography) and by the way I know how to introduce characters it's just that I don't want to draw or anime a whole introduction video and lastly don't criticize and artists if they did not directly (Correct me if I am wrong because I'm new to newgrounds))

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