Despite the fact that you live entirely on jellied eels and are constantly talking about the fascinating article you read in the Economist about the row the Tory backbenchers are having with David Cameron, no one believes you're British.
And you're not.
You're just a man with a foot fetish and a prolapsed rectum, and passing your disgusting hobbies off as "British traditions" is starting to raise a few eyebrows.
Why not buy a Cuboy T-shirt to throw them off? One look at this shirt depicting the lovable, British, geometrically-shaped Cuboy, they will believe you're a Brit. Not only will people no longer complain about you licking their children's feet, they'll insist you do so, and then demand you dress up as a Dalek and have your way with their pets. Now, isn't that worth spending 20 bucks on?
The "Cutoys" featured in this photo shoot are available for download at Edible Castle:
Cuboy, Boss, Super Tom, King Pete, and Ringmaster Flannigan