well it's good, I like the idea of the story... reminds me "a bit" of Little Busters.. :D
the drawings are not that good... I mean the quality is not good but you know how to do it so are you an traditional artist? ... so you are skilled but you are not working digitally often
and was the song at the end of the second ending from litlle busters or clannad? ^^
Haha actually it's from Rewrite (Another Key title) tho I did use music from Little Busters O:
I can say that it's really well done, nice twisted and a bit dark story but nice ending as well! (only unlocked the 1st one for now xD)
not going to modify your score because of it, but there were far too many spelling and grammar mistakes for me to even begin to list here. Vastly more than I ever expected, nearly every other line had something wrong. The honest problems with this are the overly repeated scenes, the lack of anything changing, the terribly repetitive music, and the sound of every letter being printed with the words that is not only distracting but extremely annoying. This isn't much in the way of a game but needs too much on the part of the user to just be in movies. If you want this to be a game, provide some choices for the player or something more for them to do but just press the same button to advance slow dialogue. The art was not bad, but just that. Not bad, not good, just a filler for a story. I would have really enjoyed reading the story had it been just that, but I also would have finished it in a couple of minutes instead of the time it took me to wait for scene after scene to load so I could read a sentence or two.
I am a big fan of your visual novels (I wouldn't call this a game, but it's not a problem for me): there may be some flaws (I'll talk about them later), but the story is always great! Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward for your next submission.
This said, I'm going to talk about the things you could improve:
- Art: I like your "manga" art style, but the lines are a bit "rough" (I'm not sure how to tell this in English). You should probably "refine" the edges of your drawings somehow (don't ask me how: I'm worse than a 5 yo when it comes to drawing xD)
- Typos / bad writing: English is not my first language, but I found a couple of them (I just remember two, at the moment: "cigarette" and "delicious", but I'm sure there were more). I also found some sentences that didn't "sound good" to me. I assume English is not your first language too, so I suggest you find someone who knows English very well and wants to review your dialogues and writing. Anyway your work is still perfectly enjoiable.
- Slowness: I have to say I didn't find it disturbing this time (as I did in Remember Death), but it could be useful if the "S" key could be used to make the dialogue go faster.
It is pretty cool, I am not much of a VN fan but I can still appreciate what you did here. I think the main criticism I have is that sometimes the jaggies of the forground art can be a bit jarring against the background, maybe try more AA or make the art at a higher res? I really lime the music and some of the backgrounds are quite pretty. Keep up the good work!
Also: ignore the people giving you 0 star reviews and not even telling you why, their are a few people like that on every game