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Reviews for "Dire Haven"

Not that great...

With no storyline to tell you why your naked and very unpredictable response time, the game grows increasingly difficult. Without a "quality" option, lesser computers fall victim to lag, making it impossible to time correctly. Even still I question the quick response of the "jump" button, which has failed me time and time again.

Unoriginal and with no story, you get half of total possible.

Controls

They are shit.

Goddamn

This is like Less Fun Meatboy.

"Meat Boy: The Naked and Less Fun Edition"

I don't like how unoriginal it is, it's just another 16-bit platforming game. But for what it's worth what this game lacks in originality it makes up for it with... more unoriginality, as it looks and feels almost completely like Meat Boy, except with inferior physics and abysmal level design, often things are just thrown about willy-nilly with traps having no set timing and saw blades going around in random directions flying away to a place where it doesn't belong where it won't get in the way of the player. With the physics and controls I found it too be much too floaty for a game with precise jumps, and the ice blocks hardly even work like ice, you can land on them standing still and they jolt you forward at a fixed rate, like a treadmill, really they should've just put treadmills where the ice was, it would make more sense. Overall I found it to be unoriginal and unsatisfying, as it sort of combines the "Overly-Clean-and-White-Prison-Esque-
Environment-Escape" cliche made popular by Portal and the "Super Crazy 16-bit So-Hard-You'll-Rip-Your-Arms-Off-and-
Proceed-To-Gnaw-On-Them" cliche made popular by Meat Boy. Overall it's just too bland, it doesn't bring any new ideas or anything interesting to the table, and it's frustratingly difficult, but for all the wrong reasons, often it was bad physics or floaty controls causing me to run straight into a sawblade which got me killed, not clever trap placement or intuitive level design. If the controls and general feel were tightened up this game would be much more enjoyable to play, but the controls are just too wonky for me to give it any higher than a 2/10.
OK +1 point for being naked.
And one more for the music.

So then...

So this is what you crazy kids call porn.