War is a dish best served snowy . . .
The audio is pretty good. Everyone is coming in clear, and the choice of music is appropriate.
The write is good, very good. Most of the jokes are pretty funny, others are very funny, but a few missed. Your "like brothers" bit was golden. Most of Nicks lines were good too. Some jokes that didn't do it for me were "not another one" at the end, and the second time facemask dude tells Nick the date. It was funny the first time, but repetition doesn't really do it for me. I normally don't dwell on it, but second helpings of decent jokes seem to be one of your motifs, and I feel that it hurts you comedically. But that's just an opinion based on personal taste. Even so, if you can keep up this level of humor for the entire duration, however long that is, then you'll be sitting on gold. If this is going to be your opening, I'd recommend clipping it down a bit. Nick kinda repeats himself when talking about enemy pain. His first line about it was good, the second was weak by comparison.
Your acting talent was noticeable. But you seem to be switching between a normal guy accent (good) and a drill sergeant accent (bad). Consistency in your regular guy voice would have been better, but I'm guessing it's too late to fix that now. VO is a bitch that isn't worth the effort. Everything else concerning your acting was expectedly professional. Nick was good too. Facemask guy, could use some work.
I have a problem with a few of your slates. Any slate with an actors name on it should usually be followed with a shot of that person for visual identification purposes, but you and Nick followed every title slate. When several characters aren't identified the audience finds it very hard to follow what's happening to whom. Continuity breaks only aggravate the situation.
You seem to have run into a problem as far as storytelling is concerned. Comedy, even parody, while ridiculous in nature, shouldn't break certain rules, these being rules concerning cinematography, which you have no problem with, and rules governing continuity, which you have disregarded. While it's funny to see you kill your own men, they should still stay dead. When they don't, your story appears to function non-linearly, which is somewhat of a problem. It's probably too late to fix that, but you could take it into account in the future.
Most of the lighting is pretty good, although you may be overusing halo lighting. A few of the earlier shots were whited out, but you fixed the problem later on. If you can replace those shots, or cut them off early, do it. It will maintain a consistency in quality.
You seem to be setting up for something pretty good. It's the best I've seen from you yet. I'm looking forward to the final, hit me up when it's posted.
