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Jan 24, 2010 | 2:20 AM EST

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Author Comments

Hello,

The second chapter in the "CoolJaw Original Sin" Comics.
Please watch the first one, otherwise this won't make much sense.
(there is a link to the first one in this, click on the "I" on the select comic page).

Let me know what you think,
Thanks!
- Celx

P.S. If you have time check out shark too!

Reviews


HaggardHaggard

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars January 30, 2010

Story picks up

I think you've found a good cliff hanger where you ended this chapter. Now (nearly) everyone who read this chapter eagerly awaits the next one to see how the story continues.

I agree with other reviewers that the developement of the story is quite slow, but I think this is a good thing. It may be boring to others but I like it when a story takes its time to develope. This gives me the chance to really dive into the world the author creates (this fondness for slow story developement is one of the reasons I like the stories of Stephen King so much, I guess ^^).

Anyway, the first half of this chapter offered the usual unique drawing style I saw in the first chapter and on some of your pictures in the art portal. However, the backgrounds are a bit lacking. Luckily you start to use more backgrounds in the second part, where Mr. Jaw enters the bar. I liked that you wrote some of the typical phrases on the walls in the restroom. The mirror was a nice addition as well. I hope you continue with backgrounds like these because they add a lot more depths and atmosphere to the comic.

{ Review Request Club }


Celx-Requin responds:

Yeah I prefer to unravel things slowly because I find that in this current day and age story has taken a backseat to the pursuit of constant stimuli.

Which is why my two favorite t.v. series were "The Sopranos", and "Six Feet Under" both of those shows had really shocking and absurd situations, & yet because of the way the story was presented nothing that happened ever seemed like a "paper dragon" moment.

Also it's interesting that you mentioned Steven KIng, did you catch the reference I threw in the comic to one of his stories?

Thanks,
- Celx


JoshsouzaJoshsouza

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars January 28, 2010

better!

I have to say that it was sad that they just told him what happened and just left him to go on not caring about his feelings and stuff but it was easy to see the newspaper since that it was red and everything else in this is black and white.

I have to say the first detailed picture of Mr. Jaw scared me a bit!His eyes were so eerie but the drawings and sketches DID improve even though I made the review on the first one after you made this one.

The audio was the same but I think you should change it a bit even though it is fitting, it gets repetive but I think you should jumble up all of the comics to one big file and upload it here so we don't have to load it every time.

I think you shouldn't have put stuff on the bathroom even though that's what is on them these days because if that wasnt there, this probably would have been a T rated flash so I think you should think about that in your fourth.

I think you should have put in more background because the bathroom was actually outside by a street and that the bathroom stall was a bus stop and the sinks were cars moving but I guess that is mainly my fault for being retarded.

I can say that I am really liking the series so far and I want to see the whole comics so work a bit on the backgrounds and the drawings a bit more because that picture of Mr. Jaw would have given my little brother nightmares!


Celx-Requin responds:

Yeah the thing is the stuff in the bathroom helps build the atmosphere, and also I didn't want to cop out, and play down to my audience.

I feel if I was targeting a story seriously to adults, it would be condescending to the reader to not depict the more salacious aspects of the world the character is living in.

Thanks,
- Celx


CoopCoop

Rated 4 / 5 stars January 28, 2010

A shame it's a little slow

I think that your presentation of these pieces is good, but when it boils down to it, you've got such little pace to the development. I see a story here, but the plot exposition is painfully slow. I do regret using this pun, but it's like pulling teeth.

When it gets to the scenes at the start, they appear quite bare, with no background at all. I know that you've got a minimalist style, but to have just a blank background, it just smacks of a lack of effort, which I plainly know you aren't guilty of. Put something in there, like a line for the corner of the walls and where they meet the floor, for example. If you're feeling bold, something like a filing cabinet would certainly make something slightly more attention grabbing to the rear of shot.

The piece is still too short for me and I can certainly still stand by my surmise that the piece would look better as a single page view, like a traditional comic strip.

I think I'm starting to see where the plot is leading now, so keep up the good work.

[Review Request Club]


Celx-Requin responds:

Really you thought the story was moving too slow?
I thought people were going to critique my storytelling for being too fast.

I do agree the drawings were lacking in this particular comic, and I also feel it's my weakest entry in the series so far in terms of the artwork.

Thanks,
- Celx


BloodPactBloodPact

Rated 5 / 5 stars January 27, 2010

Very good with an interesting cliffhanger

I really liked the first one, and the second one just keeps the story going with this plot that draws you in to want to find out more. The music continues to give it the creepy mood that draws people into it as well, so you should definitely keep the music. Artwork is what it is, don't let people tell you otherwise. And I do say, really great storyline, keep it twisted.


Celx-Requin responds:

Hey thanks!

Sorry for deleting your first review on the first CoolJaw, obviously not intentionally...
Have you seen the third yet? I think the third is the best of the bunch!

Thanks,
- Celx


SCTE3SCTE3

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars January 25, 2010

just as scary...

...as your first part, but at least you get teeth now, how were you able to speak?

Animation: Same as part I which is quite fitting.

Audio: A little different but just as creepy feeling it is.

Storyline: You discover you have cancer and only a few months to live and you get your teeth.

Overall: Nice creepy story so far.

Review Request Club

SCTE3


Celx-Requin responds:

Hello,

People without teeth can still speak, it just takes them a while to learn to do so...
which is why initially Colin couldn't speak.

Also this isn't about me, I'm pretty sure the characters name is mentioned a couple of times throughout the story.

Lastly the music is the exact same as in the previous submission.

Thanks for the review!
- Celx