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Uploaded
Jan 2, 2010 | 9:32 PM EST

Author Comments

"Takuto wants to become a professional magician, but he's failed the entrance exams for the school he wants to get into 3 years in a row. Returning to Oak Wood, he will try for his 4th year."

A kind of experimental e-book format, I'm going to be releasing one episode a week for 2-3 years.

Reviews


MiloticMasterMiloticMaster

Rated 4 / 5 stars November 2, 2010

Works for E-books

Nice story, I like the concept, but it progresses too slow, and its too short... Pls could you just animate it????? I feel that would bring out the story a lot better.



TransparentPresenceTransparentPresence

Rated 5 / 5 stars January 3, 2010

Hmmm...Story-bookish...

Compliments for your story, it is good: informative and interesting. I also like the way you did the illustrations all sketchy and everything.

However, I was hoping you would do more illustrations for the different points in your story, I actually thought that the illustrations you showed seemed to go with the story pretty well, I just think you need to add more to have a bit more variety; perhaps you can work on that? Also the different insertions of story pop up a little to slowly...if you want to keep your audience interested perhaps adding chapter/scene selection could work. The music was okay-ish, more variety...it did start to get annoying

Still it's a 10/10 from me, I liked it alot. Looking forward to seeing more of your stuff!


People find this review helpful!
MarkHansAvon responds:

Thanks for you responses/reviews everyone. I promise I have, in return for your time, taken every suggestion into fair and equal consideration.

Thanks again for your time. =)


sasukesamurai555sasukesamurai555

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars January 3, 2010

Not bad, not bad.

You may not realize this, but your main character's story is very similar to Naruto's. Other than that it seems really interesting; I can;t wait to see what happens next, but, as others have said, you need more pictures, ones that match the current scene.


MarkHansAvon responds:

Thanks for you responses/reviews everyone. I promise I have, in return for your time, taken every suggestion into fair and equal consideration.

Thanks again for your time. =)


ShadowEpochShadowEpoch

Rated 4 / 5 stars January 3, 2010

great writing

Decent story and writing. The story was interesting and I look forward to the rest.
My only suggestion if you are going to keep this format in your submissions, make illustrations that actually correlate to the current page. I felt that the background had absolutely nothing to do with the story.
On top of that it was poorly colored. It looked like a kinder gardener's art homework (okay maybe a little better than that).
And the music was a little annoying after a while. I'd suggest adding music that matches the mood of the story or just removing it and adding narrations or something.


MarkHansAvon responds:

Thanks for you responses/reviews everyone. I promise I have, in return for your time, taken every suggestion into fair and equal consideration.

Thanks again for your time. =)


BlessingBlessing

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars January 3, 2010

Good for what it was, not so much for Newgrounds.

Kind of an interesting piece of literature. This will probably come to be a good story (though some of the lines sound like it's been written by an overeager 5 year-old telling someone about imaginationland, try to be more objective in your wording) but as a flash "animation" it leaves quite a bit to be desired. A few sketchy drawings of landscapes that don't seem to connect with the text too deeply and some music that quickly began to irritate me as I was reading are all that seem to separate this from just a page of text on a website. To be perfectly honest I think you could make it work better as just that, text on a website. I would assume that you're keeping the animation to an absolute minimum so that you can meet your deadline, but I feel that it would greatly help your future submissions. If you are still strongly against the idea of animation, consider using more illustrations and making them correlate a little more with what the reader is reading. Maybe show Takuto in a couple of them too.


People find this review helpful!
MarkHansAvon responds:

Thanks for you responses/reviews everyone. I promise I have, in return for your time, taken every suggestion into fair and equal consideration.

Thanks again for your time. =)