It was just another typical day for me, the "Can I help you enjoy that Snickers?" guy. I had already helped 13 people enjoy thier snickers today. Many of them were high stressed office employees who just needed a break.
I helped them get that break, and I helped them enjoy it to the fullest. Because of my actions I probably saved several offices from being attacked by crazy employees.
So I was walking around the local ice rink, searching for someone who needed a break. It was then that I saw a woman, who had 5 kids, and was quite obviously having trouble handeling them all. I walked up to her while she was holding her infant, took a Snickers out of my coat pocket, and handed it to her. She had a surprised look on her face, but nevertheless I said what I always say: "Maam, may I help you enjoy that Snickers?"
She gave me a pure look of disgust as she shoved the Snickers right back into my hand, and started shouting at me.
"You asshole I'm allergic to peanuts!" and "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
I dont believe that using naughty language was appropriate to use in front of the small children, but I did understand why she wouldnt want the candy. I walked away, confused, depressed, and lonely.
If one woman could reject me and my advances to make her happy, just imagine how many more there are out in the world.
I'm currently staring at the bottom of my 2nd bottle of whiskey, and I'm gearing up for a third. My life has little meaning anymore. I...I think this is the end of people enjoying Snickers bars.
