A comic drawn by me, scanned by me, coloured by me.
I'm just not 100% happy with it. Colouring went pretty hard and... well you say what's wrong with it.
Give me advice, please.
I think NOTHING is whorng with IT, something is wrong with YOU for thinking there is something wrong wit the comic...
Yay a signature!
At 5/11/07 01:47 PM, Lopas1 wrote: It is pretty nice..
BUUUUT...?!
that's my point! I need advice, not recognition (or however you spell it)
Why do you think there is something wrong with it? It's just right!
wrong with it huh.......
it`s missing a "the end" writing lol
Consider redoing the panels. The timing is rather akward. Also, the way you only use one point of view doesn't really contribute to building up the point of the joke, which I didn't really think was to meaningful, as a matter of fact I had to read it some times to understand what the hell it was about.
The scenery also appears to me as being static, if you want to show so much of the background try placing some random elements in the scene to define wherever he is.
Some things to do with the panels:
Your first panel is totally uneeded, doesn't really tell me anything else then I can see in the other panels. I would've skipped this one and jumped straight to the second panel to set the mood at once, and devoted one more frame to him finding the horseshoe instead.
The way you arranged the elements in the third panel made me see the hammer first, and that killed it for me. As I said, try it out with a seperate panel for the discovery of the horse shoe. Then maybe make something a more dramatic panel of the hammer hitting his head.
And why isn't he looking angrily at the horseshoe in the last panel? It would've clarified your message a LOT.
So yeah, some advice. Try looking at other comics and see how they builds up to the final punchline.
At 5/11/07 02:44 PM, vonDark wrote: Consider redoing the panels. The timing is rather akward.
Also, the way you only use one point of view doesn't really contribute to building up the point of the joke, which I didn't really think was to meaningful, as a matter of fact I had to read it some times to understand what the hell it was about.
Yes, I know this sentence ^^
I'd like to use a 1-perspective comic like Garfield or something.
The scenery also appears to me as being static, if you want to show so much of the background try placing some random elements in the scene to define wherever he is.
I have deleted the scenery: it disturbed me. Final ^^
Some things to do with the panels:
Your first panel is totally uneeded, doesn't really tell me anything else then I can see in the other panels. I would've skipped this one and jumped straight to the second panel to set the mood at once, and devoted one more frame to him finding the horseshoe instead.
Na-ah. It's a regular day. That's why it's there. To show where he actually is.
The way you arranged the elements in the third panel made me see the hammer first, and that killed it for me. As I said, try it out with a seperate panel for the discovery of the horse shoe.
I did that, but people told me they didn't quiet get it. I added the hammer later on.
Then maybe make something a more dramatic panel of the hammer hitting his head.
And why isn't he looking angrily at the horseshoe in the last panel? It would've clarified your message a LOT.
So yeah, some advice. Try looking at other comics and see how they builds up to the final punchline.
Well, thanks, and I'll try another one. Believe me, making comics is fun, but finding inspiration is hard to find when drawing "funny" shorts...
At 5/11/07 02:52 PM, test-object wrote: I'd like to use a 1-perspective comic like Garfield or something.
Oh god, you've been inspired by garfield.
Damn.
Oh well, if you wanna do that how about giving the character some more focus? Right now the background is dominating the scene.
I have deleted the scenery: it disturbed me. Final ^^
Well, fine. However, it does really seem surrealistic to me how things just appear in front of him with no sign of him moving any where.
How about something that tells me the character is moving?
Na-ah. It's a regular day. That's why it's there. To show where he actually is.
And what in the second frame is it that doesn't tell me where he is? If you're planning on using the same sceneries and character for other comic, there's really no reason for it.
I did that, but people told me they didn't quiet get it. I added the hammer later on.
Well I don't get it now either. More hammer impact, please?
At 5/11/07 03:03 PM, vonDark wrote:
Oh god, you've been inspired by garfield.
STOP RIGHT THERE! I did not get inspired by garfield, I was just seting an example of a 1 perspective view. I mean: I got inspired by Kid Paddle, but who the hell knows him?!
That comic owns a lot of them, mind you! ^^
Damn.
Oh well, if you wanna do that how about giving the character some more focus? Right now the background is dominating the scene.
Nice idea!
Well, fine. However, it does really seem surrealistic to me how things just appear in front of him with no sign of him moving any where.
How about something that tells me the character is moving?
I've been thinking that myself. The character's too static, right? Normally I make him hop, but I probably forgot.
And what in the second frame is it that doesn't tell me where he is? If you're planning on using the same sceneries and character for other comic, there's really no reason for it.
Missed my point: I want to show it's a regular day. It would look strange if he just FOUND a clover all of the sudden.
Well I don't get it now either. More hammer impact, please?
Because of you, I will give people the hammer impact they're waiting for...
yeah definitely add the hammer impact (id have him closing his eyes tightly and squashed down) also on the last frame instead of having the hammer in the same position as in the frame before it i'd have it on its side to more clearly signify that it fell off his head and didnt just teleport.
