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Jerking off to girls you know.

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FUNKbrs
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Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:47 AM Reply

So I met this extra hot chick at a buddies house after a two day bender while I was showing a chick friend of mine a poem I posted on the BBS about eating puppies. And when I say extra hot, I mean EXTRA hot.

Needless to say, I totally used her for a wank fantasy.

Anyways, she's from a goth club where I go to dance with hot chicks (don't fucking judge me. I dance because I'm an attention whore, and because I don't like staring at the chicks all night like I'm in some kind of strip joint. Well, that and they don't hump you if you don't go over there).

Now, here's where it gets weird;

She totally banged the crap out of me.

I mean, like, it's almost as if I willed it to happen. She even had a boyfriend at the time. I flat out admited she was my fantasy girl, and she got extra hot over it.

Now, I'm not the world's most attractive guy, and by that I mean I'm at least 30 pounds overweight. I'm an extra smooth talker, but still, this girl was Playboy hot. I mean, hottest chick in the club hot.

So... jerking off to girls you might actually have sex with as opposed to porn stars can actually get you laid. I think. Or maybe just telling chicks they're your fantasy girl is enough, just make sure it's true.

Hey look guys, I'm on pain meds from my surgery. \/\/007!!111!!1

My band Sin City ScoundrelsOur song Vixen of Doom
HATE.
Because 2,000 years of "For God so loved the world" doesn't trump 1.2 million years of "Survival of the Fittest."

lnstinct
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:51 AM Reply

Wait, did you get laid or not? I think I may have misunderstood something in that post.

IN B4 PICS OR GTFO
Luxury-Yacht
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:51 AM Reply

Funk, you're my fantasy girl.


i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i
oh no I am choking on a million dicks

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Ted-Easton
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:51 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:47 AM, FUNKbrs wrote: So... jerking off to girls you might actually have sex with as opposed to porn stars can actually get you laid. I think.
Or maybe just telling chicks they're your fantasy girl is enough, just make sure it's true.

As long as you're telling them the latter. Somehow "I jerk off to you" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Jackrabbit-slims
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:51 AM Reply

gratz gg

DarkPhazon
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:53 AM Reply

Well, I have a gf so I honestly have no comment here......

Monocrom
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:54 AM Reply

Don't take this the wrong way, Bro but...... is it possible she had an arguement with her boyfriend, and just used you to make him jealous?

If you're not in love with her, and it was just a lust-filled good time for you; hey, way to go Bro! W00t!!

FUNKbrs
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:54 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:51 AM, lnstinct wrote: Wait, did you get laid or not? I think I may have misunderstood something in that post.

IN B4 PICS OR GTFO

Yeah, she actually slept with me. Strangley enough, in the middle of three day bender I was on. But she had a boyfriend at the time so um.... yeah, no pics. Dumbass. I was a little busy, what with the sex and all.

At 4/22/07 10:51 AM, Luxury-Yacht wrote: Funk, you're my fantasy girl.

Oh shit, really? That's so fucking hot......

Is it just me, or is it hot in here? Let me take off my pants.......


My band Sin City ScoundrelsOur song Vixen of Doom
HATE.
Because 2,000 years of "For God so loved the world" doesn't trump 1.2 million years of "Survival of the Fittest."

lnstinct
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:55 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:54 AM, FUNKbrs wrote: Yeah, she actually slept with me. Strangley enough, in the middle of three day bender I was on. But she had a boyfriend at the time so um.... yeah, no pics. Dumbass. I was a little busy, what with the sex and all.

Pics or gtfo.

)
FUNKbrs
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:56 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:54 AM, Monocrom wrote: Don't take this the wrong way, Bro but...... is it possible she had an arguement with her boyfriend, and just used you to make him jealous?

Probably. I was getting that kind of vibe. Still, this chick was WAY out of my league.

If you're not in love with her, and it was just a lust-filled good time for you; hey, way to go Bro! W00t!!

I know. That's why I'm trying to spread the word. It probably didn't hurt that she knew me as a poet and a musician first, though.


My band Sin City ScoundrelsOur song Vixen of Doom
HATE.
Because 2,000 years of "For God so loved the world" doesn't trump 1.2 million years of "Survival of the Fittest."

Luxury-Yacht
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:57 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:54 AM, FUNKbrs wrote:
At 4/22/07 10:51 AM, Luxury-Yacht wrote: Funk, you're my fantasy girl.
Oh shit, really? That's so fucking hot......

Is it just me, or is it hot in here? Let me take off my pants.......

And a pain-medicated orgy was had by all.


i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i
oh no I am choking on a million dicks

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SlipperyMooseCakes
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:58 AM Reply

You should have told her you're a moderator on the Newgrounds BBS. She would have been all like "lol, forget my faggot ass boyfriend I LOVE a man with power!"

At least ten sexings that night alone.

SuperFlonic
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:58 AM Reply

Well, I told my (former) girlfriend my fantasies.
That's the day I became single again D:

FUNKbrs
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 10:59 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:58 AM, SlipperyMooseCakes wrote: You should have told her you're a moderator on the Newgrounds BBS. She would have been all like "lol, forget my faggot ass boyfriend I LOVE a man with power!"

At least ten sexings that night alone.

Actually, I did. I think I gave her some free stickers, too. The poem I wrote I had posted as a topic earlier somewhere in General. No shit.


My band Sin City ScoundrelsOur song Vixen of Doom
HATE.
Because 2,000 years of "For God so loved the world" doesn't trump 1.2 million years of "Survival of the Fittest."

Grind
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:04 AM Reply

So you slept with her and jacked off to her, nice.


Drop Ya Pants and Grind, with M to the C
The Greatest Story Ever Told

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Dry-Ice
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:05 AM Reply

Could we, maybe see a picture of her?


BBS Mod, PM me if you have something to report.

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CruzAzul-19
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:08 AM Reply

put some pictures so that we could all see her hotness

Cosmonautical
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:12 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:58 AM, SuperFlonic wrote: Well, I told my (former) girlfriend my fantasies.
That's the day I became single again D:

Did you happen to tell her about fantasies of other women?

And congrats, FUNK! I hope your new philosophy spreads.


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HiniberusDelius
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:13 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 11:08 AM, CruzAzul-19 wrote: put some pictures so that we could all see her hotness

*Pulls down zipper*

Well I'm waiting for the pic... my cock is getting cold so you better get a pic of her soon...


Too true:
SCUD14 wrote: I got kicked out a bookshop because someone misplaced the bibles. I returned them to their brethren in fiction.

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FUNKbrs
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:22 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 11:13 AM, HiniberusDelius wrote:
At 4/22/07 11:08 AM, CruzAzul-19 wrote: put some pictures so that we could all see her hotness
*Pulls down zipper*

Well I'm waiting for the pic... my cock is getting cold so you better get a pic of her soon...

What part of "SHE WAS CHEATING ON HER BOYFRIEND" don't you dumb fuckers understand? Next request for a pic gets banned. This aint the fucking porn forum.


My band Sin City ScoundrelsOur song Vixen of Doom
HATE.
Because 2,000 years of "For God so loved the world" doesn't trump 1.2 million years of "Survival of the Fittest."

LordZeebmork
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:24 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 11:22 AM, FUNKbrs wrote: This aint the fucking porn forum.

Wait... Newgrounds has a porn forum? Where?

nah, 4chan's /s/ is better than any porn Newgrounds can dig up.

wolf piss

SlipperyMooseCakes
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:26 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:59 AM, FUNKbrs wrote:
Actually, I did. I think I gave her some free stickers, too. The poem I wrote I had posted as a topic earlier somewhere in General. No shit.

Well then expect at least a feel of her ass or breasts sometime soon.

Luxury-Yacht
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:37 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 11:22 AM, FUNKbrs wrote: What part of "SHE WAS CHEATING ON HER BOYFRIEND" don't you dumb fuckers understand? Next request for a pic gets banned. This aint the fucking porn forum.

She turns out to be Katie Holmes, and Funk gets sued by Scientology.


i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i
oh no I am choking on a million dicks

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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:44 AM Reply

I once met a hot girl by checking her out, and comparing her to a cream filled donut. I didnt think she noticed. She had a sence of humor about it though and now we're friends.

"Jordan, stop checking out her ass"
"I'm not, I'm just looking at those donuts. Those thick, cream filled donuts, with those holes... and then I just wanna lick all that hot gooey cream out of it."


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deckheadtottie
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:49 AM Reply

I'm so desensitised by the nonsense I read on the Internet, I almost actually believed this to be a factual story.

I realised it was bollocks when you said you were only 30 lbs overweight.


#coys

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Xeniar
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:55 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 11:22 AM, FUNKbrs wrote:
What part of "SHE WAS CHEATING ON HER BOYFRIEND" don't you dumb fuckers understand? Next request for a pic gets banned. This aint the fucking porn forum.

Ah Ha! Your fantasy girl was a whore! :-p

And we don't need to see pictures. It was probably one of those girls that White-Rhyno posted in your other thread.

( 3

Running up that hill....
": ( number goes here"

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Dark-Knight
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:58 AM Reply

i dont think it really matters who you jerk off too... as long as its girls..girls


"He Who Devours Your Entrails & Enjoys It" : Lobo

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elkrobber
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:58 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 10:53 AM, DarkPhazon wrote: Well, I have a gf so I honestly have no comment here......

Thanks for the comment.


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SlipperyMooseCakes
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:58 AM Reply

At 4/22/07 11:58 AM, elkrobber wrote:
At 4/22/07 10:53 AM, DarkPhazon wrote: Well, I have a gf so I honestly have no comment here......
Thanks for the comment.

HI ELKROBBER HOLY SHIT I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN YEARS!

No caps.
Mitok
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Response to Jerking off to girls you know. Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 12:10 PM Reply

I want a story of EarFetish proportions or pics... now!