At 5/14/01 10:56 PM, LordKyu wrote:

At 5/14/01 10:47 PM, HornedReaper wrote:
Oh shut the fuck up.

And please, oh young commander who seems to know the big words starting with the letter F, tell to me, the being that has posted in a way to offend you so, why it is I should obey your commands.

I'll try not to think to hard on this response, to keep it at a level that you can understand. Don't like it, don't read it. Don't want to see it on the BBS, stop replying to it. Oh, and 14 year olds should not quote Hitler. There are a lot of people who would take that the wrong way and view you as a neo-nazi.

I'll qoute whoever the fuck I want to. I can think at all different levels, some of which must be beyond you.

Heheh.. lobster

Anyone else have some stories around that are shocking, funny, or that might down right flip your stomach into convultions? I enjoy anything that will leave people gasping for breath, or trying to retrieve their lunch from a few days before.

At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote: Subject: True Story

Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.

One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.

It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever
heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.

She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.

Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.

The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.

The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.

If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.

It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure.

At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.

Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes.

You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

I doubt this is true, this story has been around for atleast 3 years, the names always change but the story's the same.

Here is another questionable true story, but it validity doesn't make it any less amusing. Though I haven't taken the time to look, I should find the audio for this to listen to Mr. Armstrong's comments about his expedition.

Story as follows:

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. Just a few years ago, (on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

At 5/16/01 12:20 AM, LordKyu wrote: Here is another questionable true story, but it validity doesn't make it any less amusing. Though I haven't taken the time to look, I should find the audio for this to listen to Mr. Armstrong's comments about his expedition.

Story as follows:

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. Just a few years ago, (on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Odd how that struck me as both touching and perverted all at the same time, something that doesnt happen too often. I'll be sure to pass this along to the grandkids.

At 5/16/01 12:20 AM, LordKyu wrote: Here is another questionable true story, but it validity doesn't make it any less amusing. Though I haven't taken the time to look, I should find the audio for this to listen to Mr. Armstrong's comments about his expedition. . .

I posted that on another thread about Urban Legends. Of course, it doesn't suprise me, since even after I posted that the lobster story was an urban legend people still read and believed it. And one person was nice enough to point out that the story I posted in the next post was an urban legend too. Clever folks here at NG. Now, didn't I tell you to go away?

Oh, and LOBSTER STICKS TO MAGNET!

At 5/14/01 12:37 AM, LordKyu wrote: Subject: True Story

Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.

One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.

It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever
heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.

She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.

Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.

The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.

The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.

If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.

It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure.

At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.

Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes.

You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

That's so damn disgusting, but it's not the first time I've heard that story.

At 5/16/01 05:27 AM, LurkerX wrote:
Now, didn't I tell you to go away?

Honestly, I don't remember. So many people have told this to me lately, like they own the space here for the BBS and it's content. I'm having a hard time understanding where these people feel as though they have the right and the authority to demand such things.

Last I recall, there is Tom Fulp, who owns the site, and then there is the Newgrounds Staff, who helps maintain the site. And upon recollection, I don't recall you being either Tom, or part of the Newgrounds Staff.

Can't you come up with anything better than "Go away" to post to messages? Why do you even take the time to click the reply button? Merely resist the child-like urge to reply, and move on with your reading.

I've lived in Maine 11 years, and I'm allergic to seafood.

At 5/30/01 12:17 AM, EvilGeishaWoman wrote: I've lived in Maine 11 years, and I'm allergic to seafood.

That's because seafood is the DEVIL!!!

I live in Colorado and I love Lobster. I also love crab, shrimp, sea captains, etc. Sea food is yummy.

At 5/16/01 06:45 AM, LordKyu wrote:

At 5/16/01 05:27 AM, LurkerX wrote:
Now, didn't I tell you to go away?

Honestly, I don't remember. So many people have told this to me lately, like they own the space here for the BBS and it's content. I'm having a hard time understanding where these people feel as though they have the right and the authority to demand such things.

Last I recall, there is Tom Fulp, who owns the site, and then there is the Newgrounds Staff, who helps maintain the site. And upon recollection, I don't recall you being either Tom, or part of the Newgrounds Staff.

Can't you come up with anything better than "Go away" to post to messages? Why do you even take the time to click the reply button? Merely resist the child-like urge to reply, and move on with your reading.

"I have the sudden urge to spew forth lengthy explanations as a mighty retort to those who offend me"

A "blah blah fucking blah" would've been better don't you agree children?

I don`t really like lobsters. This I dunno if it is a true story.

At 5/30/01 12:59 PM, GumbyGod wrote: I live in Colorado and I love Lobster. I also love crab, shrimp, sea captains, etc. Sea food is yummy.

Dammit, do you know where to download winamp player? I lost mine during the windows 98 downgrade.