Kris Kringle.

Beloved lover of children and animals, in various positions, friend to all those in need, those not particularly in need, and those who really quenched their need about 15 presents ago and probably didn't need another 25.

But he has a dark side. A side no other is privy to, not even his factory of underaged boys in flaxen clothes. Santa Claus, Pelznickel, Saint Nicolas, Krampus, and Coca Cola's bitch are all names he has gone under over the years, names he has assumed to manipulate the strings of history behind the scenes. Names he assumes to become the:

SECRET SANTA

We here at Newgrounds.com have a proud history of exposing the truth, inside or out, and it is your job, as a student of the arts, to expose this sordid truth indeed.

Draw, sculpt, traditional or digital, photograph your friends sucking each other off in an alley, whatever I don't care, a picture of one of Santa's nefarious schemes and ploys throughout history. Perhaps he was the one who broke Al Capones heart, initiating the Valentines Day Massacre. Perhaps he was the one who told Stalin that "gulag" meant "safe happy place for people I like". Or another third example.

Just post it in the thread or link to a full version or something. Stick to a roughly squarish rectangle size and PNG, JPG, or GIF format. Try not to be any smaller than say... 800px squared. Around that. There's a lot of flexibility here, I can make it work.

Deadline for this is the 23rd of December.

Australian EST. Which is UTC+10:00. So like 21-22nd for the rest of you non-time travelers. Listen, you've got about a month, just try not to procrastinate too much.

To incentivize participating, I've arranged for three $20 USD Stocking Stuffers to be dropped at random, so everyone has a chance to win (I'm just going to pin your usernames to a board and throw darts at them, heads up (I'll post a picture if you're very good)). You can get paid through Paypal or upgrade to the $25 Supporter option, where I just buy you or someone you don't like an upgrade for a whole year. That's 365 days. A whole 52 weeks.

Also if you say you're going to participate and then don't, I'm going to follow you home and fuck your dog. So... just keep that in mind.

HAPPY SEASONS GREETINGS, CHILDREN, AND MERRY PICTUREMAKING.

I need to say this, because I was lured in by the kissy lips - But I'm extremely disappointed that you're just going to fuck my dog. I don't have a dog, so how are we going to do this?!

Exits stage left

(Good idea by the way)

I was bribed to participate in this glorious event...

I was also told there would also be milk and cookies in a dark alley somewhere...

Lets get cracking!

At 11/23/16 08:33 AM, Lintire wrote: SECRET SANTA

Good idea. I'm in.

Listen, you've got about a month, just try not to procrastinate too much.

Pfft. Don't dare me, I put the pro in procrastination.

Do I need to buy a dog first?

At 11/23/16 09:20 AM, NilesCD wrote: I need to say this, because I was lured in by the kissy lips - But I'm extremely disappointed that you're just going to fuck my dog. I don't have a dog, so how are we going to do this?!

Exits stage left

(Good idea by the way)

To all those without dogs; do not worry, we'll make it work. Where we're going, we don't need... dogs.

Like it's eyes in Event Horizon and roads in Back to the Future, but I just ended up at a middle ground of pop culture references that ended up weird and unsettling.

At 11/23/16 09:27 AM, LegolaSS wrote: I was bribed to participate in this glorious event...

I was also told there would also be milk and cookies in a dark alley somewhere...

Lets get cracking!

Sshh, man, don't speak too loud. Ever since the Baked Goods Prohibition Act, Girl Scouts and Grandmas have been out of the job, prowling the street and robbing bakers for their dough.

Say the c-word too loud and we could both get gutted.

At 11/23/16 03:40 PM, Luwano wrote: Pfft. Don't dare me, I put the pro in procrastination.

Do I need to buy a dog first?

What if I dare you to be super punctual?

Dogs aren't necessary, just really butchered jokes.

Whether there's 1 submission or 10 by the deadline, this is totally getting released on Christmas Day. Australian EST, UTC +10, so like December 24/23 for the rest of the world.

Point is BE THERE. OR BE SQUARE.

Yeah boiiii I'm game for this

I'm in.

Lemme in here.

At 11/24/16 06:22 PM, PigeonOnAStick wrote: Yeah boiiii I'm game for this

At 11/25/16 06:30 AM, Decky wrote: I'm in.

At 11/25/16 06:14 PM, Oddlem wrote: Lemme in here.

I spent all my wit today on the fucking dumbass conspiracy below so GOOD LUCK YOU'LL NEED IT.

The ancient Egyptians of old worshiped a Sphinx, the cool one before they bought the nasty one from the Greeks that smelled so bad they cut off its nose. And this Sphinx... was called the Sphinxter.

The relic was not as simple as it seemed, for it was actually Santas. With this Santas, they were coerced into worshiping what has become known as "dette er ikke fjernadgang egyptiske" (Egyptian for "happy fun give time" (rough translation)), and thus was documented one of the Santas earlier schemes.

Yeah I'm in.

No dogs will be penetrated one way or another on December in this household. I'm in.

Reporting in

When Santa (at the time known as Nikolaos) learned of Socrates' contribution of wisdom to mankind, he became the close advisor of Meletus, who would eventually accuse Socrates of impiety, resulting in his execution.

After the event, Santa stole the cup in which the hemlock was poured. Using various alchemical components, he drinks from this cup to this day keeping him alive for all those ages. The cup more commonly known as... the Holy Grail.

This is cool, Am in boyz

That fat red fuck's had it too good for too long! Let's bring that sick son of a bitch down.

this is so fuckign stupid but i want in. inb4 the child trafficking santa claus...

At 11/26/16 02:45 PM, JackDCurleo wrote: Yeah I'm in.

At 11/26/16 03:01 PM, test-object wrote: No dogs will be penetrated one way or another on December in this household. I'm in.

At 11/26/16 04:16 PM, ThePsychoSheep wrote: Reporting in

At 11/26/16 08:53 PM, NeilOsg wrote: This is cool, Am in boyz

At 11/26/16 09:22 PM, anthchem wrote: That fat red fuck's had it too good for too long! Let's bring that sick son of a bitch down.

At 11/27/16 05:53 AM, linda-mota wrote: this is so fuckign stupid but i want in. inb4 the child trafficking santa claus...

Welcome, friends, fiends, beans and more! We are all journalists in arms against the RED MENACE.

At 11/26/16 04:51 PM, test-object wrote: When Santa (at the time known as Nikolaos) learned of Socrates' contribution of wisdom to mankind, he became the close advisor of Meletus, who would eventually accuse Socrates of impiety, resulting in his execution.

After the event, Santa stole the cup in which the hemlock was poured. Using various alchemical components, he drinks from this cup to this day keeping him alive for all those ages. The cup more commonly known as... the Holy Grail.

You do good work, brother. With investigative skills like these, who needs anenomes?

I myself have delved deep into the sordid realm of the RED MENACE'S past and discovered something that holds dire consequences indeed.

It has been a long known fact that vaccines cause autism. But why, you might ask? "Mercury" whispers the conspiracy theorist. "The Urabe Strain" seathes the Soccer Mom. "It's just plain fucking bad for you" chimes in Rob Schneider. But all these people are wrong. After countless labs broken into and emergency medical generators switched off, I can finally tell you the true reason that vaccines cause autism.

That's right.

Santas.

Scientists, agents of THE MAN, aren't actually injecting dead diseazezzy cells at all! What they're actually injecting are densely packed Santas, that sneak their way up to the unsuspecting child's brain, and begin wrapping it in tinsel, baubles, and tacky Elf on a Shelfs (Elves on Shelves?) causing the child to become unresponsive to all but the shiniest Christmas Gifts.

The RED MENACE must be stopped. Continue the good work.

I'm in. Lets do this.

Santa.

Moon.

Santa.

Moon.

SANTA.

MOON.

S A N T A

M O O N

H E I S T H E M O O N

Bout 2 weeks left. I think. Roundabouts. No problemo.

@BazookaBonsai aw ye bruv

just in case you was wondering what i was "retelling" im going back to the roman empire to show the true assassin of Julius Caesar, that or something to do with WW2

At 12/16/16 06:17 AM, LegolaSS wrote: just in case you was wondering what i was "retelling" im going back to the roman empire to show the true assassin of Julius Caesar, that or something to do with WW2

Sounds interesting. I'm working on a The Usual Suspects parody, Santa as Keyser Söze sort of thing. Though I've been busy with IRL graphic design so I'm a bit up in the air at the moment. Hopefully it'll be finished.

aw yis finished mine. poison goverment snow
http://www.ajc.com/news/conspiracy-theorists-think-government-planted-fake-snow/QvtWSwT8AnT8m4l33rVpyI/

Someone say PROCRASTINATE?

Nailed it

Took me long enough.
May Santa vomit some opioids on all our floors this Christmas.

At 12/21/16 04:11 PM, LegolaSS wrote: Someone say PROCRASTINATE?

Nailed it

lmao the sharp candy cane is a nice touch

At 12/21/16 01:49 AM, linda-mota wrote: aw yis finished mine. poison goverment snow
http://www.ajc.com/news/conspiracy-theorists-think-government-planted-fake-snow/QvtWSwT8AnT8m4l33rVpyI/

You've done the world a great deed today.

That red fuck's unmelting snow conspiracy is DONE.

At 12/21/16 04:11 PM, LegolaSS wrote: Someone say PROCRASTINATE?

Nailed it

Et Tu, Santa?

Another piece in the puzzle revealed. The shock, the horror, the elf on the shelf, all of it revealed.

At 12/21/16 07:27 PM, anthchem wrote: Took me long enough.
May Santa vomit some opioids on all our floors this Christmas.

Milk - and perhaps cookies? - of the poppy, he was behind it all. There is no escape to his depravity, the depths of his illnesses he inflicts on the world.

Oh, came here to say the deadline is the next day or so but you know, whatever. Hard deadline is Christmas.

At 12/22/16 10:30 AM, Lintire wrote:
Oh, came here to say the deadline is the next day or so but you know, whatever. Hard deadline is Christmas.

Aiiight.

All hail the "canvas" filter in GIMP

http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/f0423493f55cf8926fd553cbe228c68b

Weird how busy the holidays get
DUMP

Alright, folks, gonna call the deadline. Gonna be another couple of days until the collab itself is out since I've spent the last week underestimating how much attention Christmas demands.

I know I said 3 random submissions get the $20, but with 5 that's hardly worth the effort so I'll just be bothering you all for your paypal info.

Stay tuned for the collab itself update. And thanks guys, it was fun and I actually got more participation than I expected.

At 12/24/16 07:49 PM, JackDCurleo wrote: Weird how busy the holidays get
DUMP

Just how deep does the Santa Hole goes? Can anyone say? We are all puppets on his strings, all just toys in his grand Christmas scheme.

At 12/22/16 08:03 PM, Luwano wrote: All hail the "canvas" filter in GIMP

http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/f0423493f55cf8926fd553cbe228c68b

Even Santa is not immune to the allure of 90's rock.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzeOWnnSNjg

How it's all come down to this.

Base drawing is done, but I'll refine further tonight thanks to deadline extension.

Falalalalaa.