The Swordsmen

[sergioira]

I'm thinking of writing a short book series(well i would like to create a webcomic but i can't read)
here is the summary and character description of this story,tell me if you like it guys! :D

Summary and introduction to the characters
In a world where people can control the 5 elements of nature,a world where true peace cannot exist,a world where 5 seperate leaders of 5 big villages rule the world,a world were swordsmen are the people that protect the world under the command of their village's leader,a threat from the past returns to destroy it.
Swordsmen are people who protect their villages from any kind of danger,the swordsmen work in a team of 3 or 4 members,1 of them is the team leader.The team leader is usually an experienced swordsman and the mentor of the other members while the members are still in training.
Max Hayashi is the protagonist of this story,he is a 17 year old boy who lost his mother in an accident.His power is to create and manipulate lightning,Max's dream is to become a strong swordsman in order to bring true peace to the world.
The leader of Max's team is Ken Ueda,Ken is a charming man and he is known for his speed,some people say that he is faster than wind itself,Ken is the mentor of Max and the other members of the team.He can control wind.
Will Akiyama is the best friend of Max and a member of his team,Will can control the power of the earth,he is a muscular and quite boy.
Karin Kobayashi is the final member of Max's team,Karin has a strange kind of power,she has the power to control the plants,something that is impossible to any other swordsman around the world,Karin never talks about her past,she is a very serious and strong girl.
Osamu Saito is the leader of the Fire village.Osamu is an old and experienced man loved by everyone in the village,he rules the village for over 30 years.
Jin Hayashi is Max's father,he is considered to be a fool,he is never serious and sometimes he becomes annoying to Max.

These are some information about the main characters and the story,i hope people have interest on it,in order to complete the whole story.

[Troisnyx]

At 4/9/16 07:47 AM, sergioira wrote: In a world where people can control the 5 elements of nature,a world where true peace cannot exist,a world where 5 seperate leaders of 5 big villages rule the world,a world were swordsmen are the people that protect the world under the command of their village's leader,a threat from the past returns to destroy it.

A threat from the past? You mean, like history repeating itself, or time travel?

Swordsmen are people who protect their villages from any kind of danger,the swordsmen work in a team of 3 or 4 members,1 of them is the team leader.The team leader is usually an experienced swordsman and the mentor of the other members while the members are still in training.

It would be nice to explain how the swordsmen came to be, and why they were so needed in the gist, instead of actually describing how they work. How they work is for the book. If you're planning to draw people in, the best thing to do is to explain what kind of universe this is, why certain groups of people exist (and certain functions that people do exist as well), and just what kind of threat they have to protect themselves from.

Max Hayashi is the protagonist of this story,he is a 17 year old boy who lost his mother in an accident.His power is to create and manipulate lightning,Max's dream is to become a strong swordsman in order to bring true peace to the world.

a whole lot of other side characters

I think, when we're looking for the gist of a story, we want to know the main character more, and maybe one or two more side characters. Right now, it seems that you're giving us the entire cast.

That may not be true, but if people want to gain an interest in a story, they don't want to be overloaded with bios, at least not all in one go. This is something that we readers want to discover for ourselves as the story goes along. That is also the purpose of character development -- to show what kind of person a character is, so that

1) you don't need to tell it to us in one go, and

2) it marks our minds and stays in our hearts even more.

These are some information about the main characters and the story,i hope people have interest on it,in order to complete the whole story.

Perhaps present it in a manner that people can relate? Maybe a first chapter, and a bit of a follow-up? Write something so that we can see your style of writing, and so that people here in this forum can offer critique.

[sergioira]

Thanks for replying and correcting me,this is my very first try to ever write something like that,i will need every tip i get.

[Troisnyx]

At 4/25/16 08:11 AM, sergioira wrote: Thanks for replying and correcting me,this is my very first try to ever write something like that,i will need every tip i get.

Anytime! For future reference, study how your favourite books are written, and try to emulate their example -- not just in literary style, but also in formatting.