Poem: Nights After Days

[Mfmess98N64]

Here comes the night
The light is now fading
And the dark prevailing
Blinding my sight
Lost in this forest I am
Trying to go away
But in the next day
I am traped again
The voices say always
"You choosed wrong path"
So I'm walking to my death
Nights after days

[Troisnyx]

At 7/4/14 03:03 PM, Mfmess98N64 wrote: Here comes the night
The light is now fading
And the dark prevailing
Blinding my sight
Lost in this forest I am
Trying to go away
But in the next day
I am traped again
The voices say always
"You choosed wrong path"
So I'm walking to my death
Nights after days

Short and simple and has the potential to deeply inspire, or depress, whichever way we look at it ----- but GRAMMAR, SPELLING, PUNCTUATION. Good grief.

Now I highly recommend you undertake some simple grammar exercises for starters, because once you've nailed the foundations of it right, you could write stuff that is beautiful. As it is, I have to be honest, it's making me cringe.

A possible rewrite would perhaps look like this:

Here comes the night:
The light is now fading,
And the dark is prevailing,
Blinding my sight.
Lost in this forest I am
Trying to run away --
But come the next day,
I am trapped yet again.
I hear voices always --
"You chose the wrong path,"
So I'm walking to my death
As nights give to days...

[Mfmess98N64]

I can clearly see your point. I don't speak and write English very well, so a few mistakes might appear in my writings. But in fact, you're more than right about my poem. I appreciate your opinion and your version of my poem. I should take them as a help for my next posts.