I've been looking around and noticing a lot of locked threads, mainly the "I'm new" ones. (I guess I'm the only one who read the rules...) and it got me thinking, what is the perfect first post, everybody has their own one, so I wonder how this will go.

"hey guys i'm gay blurblrurblur"

Certainly not a thread about what's a good thread.

At 4/12/13 02:52 PM, triplenoob wrote: Certainly not a thread about what's a good thread.

It's not about a thread though, it's about a post.

At 4/12/13 02:57 PM, CheeseChina wrote:

At 4/12/13 02:52 PM, triplenoob wrote: Certainly not a thread about what's a good thread.

It's not about a thread though, it's about a post.

Ok then. You should just make a surreal statement like so : Purple Pajamas on T-Rex eating live dill pickles on an island filled with edible palm trees.

"What the fu*ck d*id you just fu*cking say about me, you little bit*ch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. You think you can get away with saying that sh*it to me over the Internet? Think again, fu*cker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fu*cking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable !@# off the face of the continent, you little sh*it.

Probably this

At 4/12/13 03:03 PM, SmartyPants wrote: Probably this

Classic. That'll make people take you seriously!

"I like your booty, but I'm not gay"

At 4/12/13 02:52 PM, triplenoob wrote: Certainly not a thread about what's a good thread.

What's the deal with good threads? If they're so good, how come I can never find them? Am I right, people?

Probably this

Sounds like this kid i heard on Battlefield 3.

A perfect first post should contain lots and lots of hate crime and obscenities. Also it should encourage a wide range of illegal actives as well, such as animal cruelty, arson (especially towards schools and churches), drunk driving, democracy, necrophilia, slavery, littering and non-consensual cannibalism. You will then earn the respect you deserve.

And the most important part: Try not to offend anyone.

Seriously don't do this

I don't know what mine was, and I really don't want to go and find out but it didn't get deleted so I guess that's positive right off the bat.

"So what's the deal with that airplane food?"

Here is a good first (and last) post.

I doubt there is a 'perfect' post for a new user such as myself, I just discreetly joined in by posting in a thread like any other user

At 4/12/13 02:37 PM, CheeseChina wrote: I've been looking around and noticing a lot of locked threads, mainly the "I'm new" ones. (I guess I'm the only one who read the rules...) and it got me thinking, what is the perfect first post, everybody has their own one, so I wonder how this will go.

It's too late for me now, but if I had it to do all over again I'd start by posting a pic of my penor, and only then announce that I'm new here.

That's just me though.

You should ask one of the superghandis (up to 65 recently).

A perfect first post would be one bitching about how good the BBS used to be back in the good old days, but has turned to shit.

Then sit back and watch the fireworks.

At 4/12/13 08:43 PM, Slint wrote: "So what's the deal with that airplane food?"

I dunno?

dude just fucking post whatever who the fuck cares?

At 4/13/13 03:26 AM, Magical-Zorse wrote: dude just fucking post whatever who the fuck cares?

That's pretty much the whole mentality of the BBS in a nutshell.

I did something about pie. Regardless, I was 13.

To make a perfect first post, you sign up in 1999, deposit EXP daily, gather plenty of B/P and become a superuser, wait at least a decade and then, when someone mentions your name, you respond to that topic. And only once. That's the way to do it.

this one was cool

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1223236#bbspost22295748_
post_text

The perfect first post is this one: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1

bro i didnt have to say hi or shit i knew what this site was all about bro i just post about weed legalization and gun rights and shit i didn't have to say hi i knew what was going

At 4/13/13 02:08 PM, hecticjon wrote: "<something actually contributing to a thread>"

only in a perfect world

I've never seen that happen in a thread, so I agree. Maybe after our time.

"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"