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The Worst Burrito EVER!

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Credits & Info

Date
12/28/2012
File Info
Voice
8.3 MB
3 min 39 sec
Score
4.42 / 5.00

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Score:
Rated 4.42 / 5 stars
Plays & Downloads:
5,194 Plays | 326 Downloads
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Genres:
Voice Acting - Comedy
Tags:
comedy
voice
burrito
acting

Author Comments

The following thing is a dramatic reading of the thing below:

http://jupitersparkle.tum blr.com/post/38968377325/
weirdgreensmoothie-luckys hirt-dear-guy-who

Dear guy who just made my burrito:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws, and not a fucking pelican. But you must think how done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.

And guess what else, player? You probably guess anything, because pretty sure just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, what:

Humans also eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing life a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And even fucking think about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.

In conclusion:

the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO DO A DRAMATIC READING OF THIS BECAUSE I TRIED BUT I KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE

I want to do a dramatic reading of this.

Also I want Mexican food.

Reviews


TheNerdKidTheNerdKid

Rated 5 / 5 stars May 26, 2013

XD I could listen to this ALL DAY!!! This is too funny, I feel like showing this to my best friend and my other friends.


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nickshark2012nickshark2012

Rated 5 / 5 stars January 3, 2013

respect FOR THE FUCKING RICE THAT IS!!!heh heh.. fucking Disgustingupiter...


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7Flowerz7Flowerz

Rated 5 / 5 stars January 4, 2013

This made mii laugh the whole time! Good Job....Oh I dnt want to sound like a nerd but when you say "in conclusion" You sound just like Barid from Gears of War LoLz no lie xD


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palagrizpalagriz

Rated 5 / 5 stars January 7, 2013

OH MY GOD IM SO SHARING THIS SHIT WITH MY BOSS AT TACO BELL!!! lmao xover 9000
that was freakin amazing!im crying cause of laughter.i have a request:can you do such a rant in a way to where its like talking to a supervisor?that would be epic if ya were able to so i can troll my manager friend!roll up there one night with a big boom box and just hit play after he asks hi how are you at the drive thru window.lolol his reaction would be PRICELESS!


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gt391gt391

Rated 5 / 5 stars May 26, 2013

Sounds like he went to Taco Bell. Love their shit, but if I get one more goddamn "burrito" filled with beans, rice, and salsa like a military line-up, I'm going to destroy Louisiana.


People find this review helpful!