You could do better....
Well... its all jumbled and broken into peices... all the samples you're using are flawless.... but they lack mastering and proper placement on your part.
before you remix things that already exist, try making your own stuff from scratch... try instrumental first before you add lyrics, tends to confuse people.
Also, this isnt really industrial.. sure the original song might be.... but this sounds more ambient.....ish.... no clue.
All i'm saying... is try not to just throw some samples together and call it a song.... some might just think of it as noise and you get people that zero bomb you.
2/5 3/10.
Like i said, try your own stuff first... get a feel for what you're good at.