Needs... a LOT of work.
Hmm... you open nicely. Some weird, off-beat sounding rhythms, but I can tell you're trying. I recognize that piano from FL... huh, random notes again. Keep trying here.
I really can't find any sort of melody in this song... is there supposed to be one? There's a problem here, I only hear random notes, no more than one synth at once... this needs a LOT of work melodically. Random notes left and right... you're not much of a melody person, are you? PM me and I'll tell you more about making a melody.
The synths you've chosen for this song don't really fit and feel "placed," as if you couldn't find anything else that would fit and just chose those - and then, the synths that you did choose someties detract from the quality. The piano also didn't fit and felt like you just put it there because it's a piano and you like them.
Harmonies... I really can't say anything about these, either, as there's no more than one instrument playing notes at once. Hiniberus, you need harmonies for a good song! You NEED harmonies for a good song! YOU NEED HARMONIES FOR A GOOD SONG! (Well, a good song of this type, anyway...) Sorry if it seems harsh, but I mean everything that I say. Again, PM me if you want me to tell you about making good harmonies. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be a harmonamatic. >=)
Percussion... this is one of the better parts of the song. Gah, the piano started playing! Gotta wait... okay. Well, your drums seem randomly placed, as if you were randomly clicking on the step sequencer until you had something good. Let's take your drums apart one by one.
Your snare drum plays good rhythms, so there's no problem there - but the sample could have been better chosen. I think a more realistic snare drum would have fit more... Hmmm.
Your kick drum is waaay too weak. Is there a kick drum at all? Normally, I'd imagine a kick drum would play ONCE every beat, ON the beat. You're trying to be creative here, but it doesn't work. I suggest sticking to "normal" rhythms until you get the hang of it - then you could start experimenting. But that's just my thoughts.
Your clap felt unnecessary, and was weak. I think it could have been replaced, and the snare drum could have continued in its place.
That hihat... hmm, it didn't feel necessary and wasn't well-used. It wasn't well-chosen, either. I'd suggest finding a hihat that was a bit sharper and stands out more... but not too much or else it'll overpower the other drums and it'll ruin the song. ;)
The crash felt off-beat, too, and was overused. But at least if was consistent, which is nice. It wasn't necessary, though it did add to the atmosphere you had... it would have added to that atmosphere more, had you used it correctly at the right time.
Overall, your percussion also needs a lot of work, but you did a better job with it than with your... melodies/harmonies/whatever you want to call them, since they don't fit into either.
There's really not much of an atmosphere to this song... but the few images I do get consist of sandy temples, ruined by the ages. If you had built on that image by adding harmonies and an actual MELODY, and better percussion, it would have been a MUCH better song overall.
A nice effort, but you need to keep trying! I hope all of this positive criticism helps... I think I practically wrote an essay. =D PM me if you need help with anything, I'd be glad to help you. ;)
