The animation looks good other than the jiggle in the but was a little bit overdone it was unnatural the way it defies gravity.
I don't know if this was just a small snip from something you shared with your patrons but it feels really out of place with so little context at the start and cutting it early at the end. You would have probably been better received with the sex scene in a loop rather than a chunk intended to entice people to support you as it feels like a cheap way to bring people in.
The voice.... yes its important to add the sounds in but i agree it feels ripped from something else it doesn't fit, it doesn't match the character portrayed. I have no problems using voices and sounds pulled from the internet but make sure it matches everything scene, character, environment and atmosphere.
This is just a personal one but i never understood why everyone chooses to use a phallic item that's so big... I mean i cant understand whats arousing about using a tool that as big as the characters calf is around..
Animation 3/5
Sound 1/5
Detail 1/5
You have a lot of skill to make the models and its good, a little fine tuning and you can have some great pieces.