Good art, perky music, and an interesting setup for a game.
Buuuut... it's not exactly a game that you play so much a just read... and that's kind of a problem. Look, if you're just a writer and you wanna tell your story using pictures and music, that's cool. That's an audience for that out there. But the problem I find is that your story is setup in the format of a game that never gets around to any game play.
What you're looking for is something more along the lines of an interactive comic book. But for that, you need more pictures and characters. We need to SEE the actions of your character Bill sitting alone in his dorm, seeing the mysterious girl throw rocks at his window, see her climb the side of the building, get a look at her panties as she looks under his bed, see Bill's reaction and so on.
I realize that's a lot of work, but that's what you need if you're going to tell an engaging story that the player doesn't control. We don't get to SEE Bill because you're placing us in the PERSPECTIVE of Bill, looking through his eyes at his room. That's fine if we're playing a game, but when you give us the expectation that we are going to get to click and interact with the objects in his room and don't deliver on it, it feels like a rip off.
To further my point, your story is also written like a game. Bill isn't a character, he's a faceless, empty vessel through which we get to place ourselves in his situation: something a game does. There's very little build up or pretense to the story. Bill is lonely, a stranger appears in his room, and she titty fucks him. Again, something a game does where narrative isn't as important as game play.
I like the setup for your story, but I think you need to decide which thing you want it to be: a story that you play, or a story that you read. Because as it is right now it's got the worst aspects of both. And I think that's a shame because I see potential here.
