That was awesome! I'm amazed at how much you've been able to accomplish during such a short period. The only thing that I can think of when it comes to constructive criticism is that I didn't really find it clear what you and your sister (?) were fighting over until the end. Maybe you could've made that more clear with a silhouette shot of the missing pen or something like that, but it might just be me that wasn't observant enough.
Just one more thing... doesn't your entry have to be tagged with "nata2012open" to be considered a submission? Can't see that tag at the moment. It would be a shame if all that hard work were to go to waste :(