Going to log my thoughts..
Loading... Still loading.... what's with the 0:800? loading.. still loading.. FINALLY got to push play. Good play on the overused actors your characters talk about. Flow was very rough, it did not flow well. I think it'd help if you shorten the time between your joke and punchlines.
It really dragged past like the first few moments. I'm still watching but I'd have a hard time keeping this open if I weren't already writing this review. And it looks like you actually put effort into this. Without the background music this conversation would be duller than Ben Stein on downers giving a speech on advanced physics.
Also, what's the point of censoring the word F&*K if you just say it aloud in the audio? If you censor it in the subtitles, it should be bleeped in the audio it would seem to me. Your audio is poor quality (both in hardware and the acting) but I wouldn't mark down so much if the script had better flow.
I give a 3/10 for raw effort. Get some laughs in there, shorten it improve the quality of jokes and timeliness and I'd give it more like a 7/10.