it's ok
just a few thing
for starters what Raymyster14 and 51m3-0wn3d said are really good suggestions
as for my own you should change the rating i don't see any reason for this to be rated adult if you do that you might get more people with their own ideas to watch it
and nice song choice by the way
Not bad
Few suggestions;
Add more frames to the scene where the girl is laying down "singing" you can clearly tell it is the same 2 or 3 frames looped.
Also the tween at the end seems to be jacked
bad
you cant understand what the girl is saying and she is caught in a loop. add subtitles next time bud.
Lacked
i didn't like this, you could have done it a lot better, the voice were hard to udnerstand and the people were drawn pretty badly, next time fix these problems to make it better :(
~DeIvL666~