I will never understand this rating system...
Why do people give you a 10 or a 9 and then tell you how to improve it? A 10 means it doesn't and can't get any better!! A 9 means your only complaint better be that this guy didn't post this sooner. In my opinion, this animation lacks everything. Who is she, what the hell is he? Who is Henry, who are the other names on the list? Is she a whore? Is that why she has a list of other guys? Is this ripped from Death Note? There is no story here so what do you mean you wrote the script? If you did write a script how many sentences was it?
Ok, so there is you BLAM! What can you do to improve? Try storyboard, try fleshing out the idea before concluding it. As has already been said, show some life in the movement of the characters. At one point it looks like the 'thing' is shrinking? What the heck is that? This is your first post, which is why I am giving you a 2 for making your mark with such a hard to understand piece. Plus you got front paged which makes it all the more unbelievable. As if the world of NG NEEDS to see this....