You'r right about this not being proper, many things are off. But, from this very early rendition of this piece I would love to see it be turned into a full piece. Everything was great, it just needed better timing, volume, constant tempo, ect. as you stated in the description. When you finish it, if you do, it will probably be one of my favorite songs by you.
One last thing, is that you singing in the second half of the song? I can't tell if it is one of the instruments on your keyboard, it just sounds too good.