Hmmm
You've certainly come a long way since I first saw you on NG. Way back when I actually visited the audio portal. Heh. I smiled when I heard the first part you know. You've captured a little piece of reality in this piece. A little piece of truth.
At least, until 1:18 you did. Then you got a little bit hurried, and the feeling fled. Then it came back again for a few seconds around 1:46. Then you got hurried again at 2:01 or so.
I think part of the reason was because of the sound when you raised the tempo a bit. It gets a touch tinny, indeed, jarring by my ears. It's actually pretty hard to say what I mean exactly, except to say that it doesn't suit. Not entirely, from quiet speculative to joyful in so short a time and then back to quiet speculative again doesn't wholly work, not in this song.
I can hear the feelling, that's not lost. But I can't feel it. I can in the beginning, but when those faster parts cut in, I lose it.
While the transition is seemless in and of itself, the effect and theme is not. I know you were trying to convey a sense of the good and the not so good of life and a sense of positive, 'until next time'. A hope for the future.
But for this song, that could have been conveyed better. Much better. You've gotten to the stage in your music that you start to crack open the intricacies of depth, feeling, dynamics, silences and sounds, notes and structures. Where once you tried to improve your skill, now you seek to improve your production more.
What you start in the 0:59 to 1:18 carried a really beautiful sentiment. I smiled at it. To hear what you'd caught was heartwarming. But then I got a little disappointed, coz you dropped it and went for the bit after it, and missed the sentiment by a hair.
I'd like to hear the continuation of that sentiment. A passionate song does not need to be loud. Oh no. On the contrary, you can portray passion in so many ways. And indeed, you could have taken that sentiment and built it into a swelling, joyous cry by steady increments, layering in themes and musical phrases. Tying it all together and building it up, without gaining a great amount of volume. Though you can steadily built that too.
It would have been more appropriate to have done that in this song then to have done what you did. Indeed, were I in your place I would have never actually broken into that joyous part, instead, taking you, as a listener on a journey through a world of my devising for a time. Carried you along, then left you with a memory you would have found impossible to erase.
Try it. I'd like to hear what you make of it. I'd also like to hear you try to create what you consider a true masterpiece. That would be something to hear.
Well done. This was a very good piece in and of itself, it simply missed the mark a bit. However, you really really have improved a lot. Keep it up. I look forward to your next piece.
However, if I find that your next piece has not moved on from your current style, you can be assured I will be wondering, loudly, why. =P
Sincerely, Krayon.