Tips!
1. work on transitions! simply fading out with no sound whatsoever is bland and uninteresting. There's nothing wrong with fast cuts.
2. sound quality. That girl's voice was all crackily. What happened to the mic you used for the rest of the voices? If it was the same one, what happened?
3. pacing! That tv commercial was mercilessly long. Based on experience, things are usually funnier when they happen fast and unexpectedly. Don't dwell on the same jokes!
Now in the vain hope that somebody reads this, if not the author himself, i leave you to work on a cartoon of my own.
ciao