Good try.
I agree with SpeedMetalSandwich, though - it needs a lot of work.
It sounds like you're distorting the mic to make the growl sound, which isn't good.
It should be your throat making the tone.
Listen to my version, if you get a minute - that might steer you in the right direction.
Keep working on your voice, and you'll get there eventually.
Best of luck.
Woah woah I have never used effect to make my growls sound better. Ever.
The reason this a distorted sound is if you read the description you know that I used a very shitty mic.
However I now have a studio mic and will re-record this if not to make it sound better than simply prove you wrong.
umm listen to the original a few more times for timing and back off on the mic vol