Voices
Dude, GOT TO HAVE VOICES!!! You gained great momentum in every scene, then TOTALLY blew it by having to read something. Also, with animation slash story, slash music, slash slash slash so great you can't afford to have cheesy voices. You need to find some people who can really act and get some good quality voices to do this animation justice.
WOULD have gotten 5/5 10/10, but can't do it man, 4/5 8/10
Joshua Austill