Stab the fucker with the paper clip, and shove two shells in his eyes

Stab the bully with a paper clip and knock down one of the kids playing with the ball in the background as you run away screaming, “The British are coming! The British are coming!” Finally, open the ketchup packet with the paper clip you used to stab the bully and drink out of it for a quick burst of energy, successfully escaping the bully and all responsibility for manslaughter!

Unfortunately, because you accidentally drank some of the blood on the paper clip in addition to the ketchup, you will wind up at the hospital with the doctor breaking the news to you that you have become infected and are now “Body-Positive.” The whole situation ends bitterly 15 years later as your body positivity forces you to marry a hunch-backed 787-pound woman with tentacles in place of where her teeth should be.

put the ketchup on the tator tot and then share it with the bully

ketchup shotgun

Kick him in the balls