Really like the visuals here, they give a very bizarre vibe to it, almost as if it was a bumper found on Adult Swim very late at night.
The story here feels like a comic strip from a newspaper that would be short, but entertaining and enjoyable.
After reading the origin of this story, I can tell that both you and your friend have very bright and creative ideas- maybe you have more stories like this to tell here.
Overall 5/5 stars, you have lots of talent in storytelling and illustration.