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Insufficient: Tear

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A (very) short animation about a voiceless girl and a thoughtless machine. In search of a special key, she discovers something more meaningful instead.

Thank you for watching! This is the first proper animation I ever made. Any feedback would be very much appreciated.

My gratitude goes to Karsys for providing an original music track and OfficialHenyx for making the sound effects.

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Well made for a first. However, as many have said, the story is unclear. The only guess I can make is that this is an aftermath of some kind of plague or invasion which caused the humans to turn into beasts. Another guess is that the girl has some kind of special ability which is locked by the lock around her neck. I have a lot to hope for, keep making the series, O!

MarckEllo responds:

Shhhh they're not supposed to know

Hello there. I dig the animation. You asked for some feedback, so here I am. I'll do my best.

1. My first impression was that while the drawings were quite well, it wasn't on par with what I'm used to from you. Though I'm very aware this is likely a software issue and not a raw skill thing.

Did you use flash for this? Because I'd experiment with animation software with better drawing tools before that program. Flash is very clunky.

2. It was already said before but the white backgrounds were somewhat distracting. However what wasn't really touched on was why that was the case.

I really tried to force myself to figure out what didn't click. I googled 'bright and bleak sky' and scrolled through the examples. What I noticed was that the images with the same/similar greyish hue for the sky had much darker landscapes and objects than in your animation.

I believe the problem might actually not lie in the sky's hue, but in the brighter colors you draw everything else in. They don't match.

I also think you needed less blank space in some of the scenes.

3. I think the lack of shading really throws it off. It compounds the sky issue even more that there is no clear source of light.

4. From a storytelling perspective excessive detail is never really a good thing. And there are a good chunk of unnecessary details. I also feel like there's too much happening without making clear sense of it all.

-4a: Why is her mouth sewn shut? It isn't touched on in any way. And it isn't relevant to the plot or animation. You don't need symbolism to portray a mute character.

-4b: Having the bobby pin dissolve when she tries to (pick the lock?) is perfectly fine. You do not need to explain every detail. What was no-so-good was that I had to rewind the scene several times to figure out exactly what was happening. This could be remedied by making the bobby pin the focus of a very brief melting scene. I'd also make the melting sequence slightly longer than the one you used.

For example, keep the scene, but zoom in drastically on the bobby pin while it is melting. Have it melting slowly while moving closer to the left side of the screen. And then have the scene return to the person looking sad.

4c: Why does she collect all those little keys and doodads? Does she not know how to open the lock on her neck? If so, then why does she pool everything together instead of trying to open the lock each time she finds something?

How does she eat? Why isn't there a tube or something in her neck that implies she eats that way?

Is something sewn inside of her mouth that is causing the melting? If so, why isn't it implied via the artwork that something is inside?

I'm a stickler for these tiny little details. And people like me notice them.

5. Sound effects would have livened it up a bit.I noticed a lack of sound in a lot of different places. While the tiny robot was scanning the person for example.

MarckEllo responds:

Hey, Sped! This is exactly the feedback I need. Thanks!

1. Funnily enough, it's neither. When I attempted animation, I had to shift focus from capturing the moment to capturing the motion. As a result, there's a drastic quality shift despite putting in roughly the same effort. Though I should have at least cleaned the lines.

2. I didn't notice said mistake in the background. Thanks for pointing it out! Due to the amount of things changing every few frames, I lacked the time to check proper references. I just went with desaturated colors that looked like they fit well.

3. This was also a conscious choice. For the time being I want to focus on bettering my animation and storytelling skills so the artstyle may remain rather simplistic.

4. Others have mentioned that it's confusing. It may be due to the fact that I didn't write a script for this particular animation; instead I made a few characters that fit a world I've developed for a far longer time. Thus, I couldn't explain every detail in the animation.

a. Needless symbolism, true, but it does make for an interesting story point doesn't it? The entire series is a symbolism after all.

b. It didn't actually dissolve, only broke apart. My bad on not making the scene clearer.

c. I think it shows a sense of urgency or always being on the move. There might be better ways to show this however.

How does she eat? Is there anything in there? It's scifi, be creative!

I didn't put much detail in the artwork and character design for the same reason with the shading; animating makes it hard to use details.

5. That was also my sole decision. Sound man @OfficialHenyx said the same thing initially but I decided against it. Will do better next time.

Pos no entendi pero sigue mejorando compa ;) y si no me entendiste lo que quise decir es...
Nice job,
si sigues mejorando y puliendo tu trabajo se puede explotar tu potencial B).

MarckEllo responds:

Thanks! I try.

(I don't speak Spanish though, sorry)

Ohh shit! It's Sans Undertale!!!

MarckEllo responds:

*megalovania intensifies*

Pretty impressive for a first!

I like the style, and the atmosphere, but I think you could work a bit more on guiding the viewer. It took a while before I realized her voice was the problem - thought the first key was a razer, and towards the end I'm not sure if she greets the monster in naivety, or raises her hand in fear? Does the monster try to kill her, but give her a voice instead? Or only attempt to help her, and the machine misunderstands and kills the monster...? And why were they embarking into the pit in the first place? In search for her voice? Something else? Did the robot decide to help her? The 'thoughtless' bit above makes it seem like maybe it had no reason after all.

I like where this was going, but in the end it leaves me confused a bit. Uncertain of what I've seen; wishing it was clearer.

-cd-

MarckEllo responds:

Thanks for the critique CD! I think the main problem is in pacing and where I choose to "place the camera" when things happen. The cryptic atmosphere was intentional, but if it was too confusing then the narrative must need improvement.

I do like to tell my stories in little bits though. The next one (whenever that may be) might raise more questions, but hopefully easier to digest.

Credits & Info

Views
1,412
Faves:
36
Votes
200
Score
3.66 / 5.00

Uploaded
Apr 21, 2019
1:59 AM EDT
Genre
Experimental
Tags
  • Daily 5th Place April 22, 2019