Drawings are bad. Story is boring.
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Author Comments
!- This is the 2nd ep for part 1 -!
kurumi matsuokais living alone her father ran away and left a debt one day some one gets inside her apartment and attacking her and then carl black a young detective saves her...
shokomomi responds:
im sorry ill try to improve
simple and short story
no sound!!!,making me bored =.=
shokomomi responds:
im sorry i cant put sound T^T
I played through this and the previous chapter, and I found the story interesting so far. I like the cleanliness of the artwork, as well, but I was thinking when I first watched this that it was a game, rather than an interactive story. And yes, I know NG has that (rather strange) policy about how you have to post interactive stories under the Games section, but I think in Author Comments you should again mention this an interactive story. Cleaning up the grammar and punctuation would do wonders for the chapters, and honestly, I think it would be best if the small chapters were grouped into larger, fewer chapters. This one and the previous one could be together, for example. It would flow better and be a little less confusing. I hope that helps. c:
shokomomi responds:
thank you it does help but i can't put them together they are in different sizes si it's hard to do this
I played through the first and just did this one. I can understand what you are going for, its a story in parts. Quite a few people on here though are here for fast paced level based games. I see this as more of an art/experimental game. I'm not an art expert but I think it looks just fine, especially for a single person project. I have added you to my favorites just so I can keep updated on your next projects and ventures. Best of luck.
shokomomi responds:
thank you i am trying to deliver my art and the story together (\\\^_^\\\)
The drawings er good but could be better, and the episodes are way to short!
Has potential but needs work.
shokomomi responds:
i have three more ep and i'm trying my best thank you for reading it it's making me happy knowing someone even looks at it