Ok so here are something that i instantly noticed:
The sound is continuing even after the flash is done so you want to use a bit of ActionScript and just place a mute all sounds command on the frame before the flash ends.
Credits are nice make sure you have them so that you can show your appreciation towards any inspirations and other people that helped the flash. Remember the more you encourage others the more they will in part encourage your work.
Make sure this is finishing work. I know that I shouldnt be talking because my first submission was a demo but NG frowns upon unfinished work or eps and will blam it trust me. Put some work, Time, and LOTS OF LOVE and you flash will grow and be just as amazing. remember this is a hobby not a job at the moment so just have fun bro.
Your transitions could have been just a bit faster paced and a bit more organized because i did not get anything in the beginning.
You actually have SOUNDS!!! this is so important a flash without sound is no better than a GIF loop that can be clicked to start.
YOU HAVE A PRELOADER!!! YES I HATE WHEN MOVIES LOOP unintetionally.
Your story seems solid enough to build a series or arcs for growing support and fan base.
you have the perfect set up for everything.
Does have potential.
So in all i think you did a good job remember can always teach someone how to draw, paint, animate, voice act, or anything technical.... but you will never be able to teach them how to be creative and use their imagination to improve.
Good Work and Good Luck next time.