The Sphere - Part 1

Share Collapse

Author Comments

yeah... just watch it... (loosely based on The Cube)


I love Cube

That is so awesome, a stick movie like Cube!

Ugh. UGH.

Crap. Total crap. God, what crap. Ow.

Based loosely on The Cube? Yeah, but The Cube was interesting, intelligent, and mysterious. It was well-made. THIS unmitigated CRAP is like watching someone else play a really bad platform game with awful graphics, speech bubbles that went too fast and had no grammar, capitalization and punctuation whatsoever, and a plot that wouldn't make a two-year-old pause in thought for more than two seconds. Your deus ex machina is so ridiculous and your "humorous" scenes so predictable, cliche, and genuinely unfunny, that this dosen't deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as The Cube.

More to the point, you've forever defiled Nobuo Uematsu's The Landing by pairing it with your mediocre-at-best hackjob of a movie. You also defiled it by overriding it with awful abuses of looped RM2k sound effects and the bottom of the lowest bracket of stick animation ever witnessed. This makes Strawberry Clock look like a frigging genius, and that's a bad thing.

This movie's inherent value is that I get to feel better by ranting at it for awhile. You even have so many people who inexplicably love watching a stick figure run an MS-paint background while spewing dialogue that was probably noncliche when talkies were a novelty that I don't even get any blam points out of this.

This movie, and its sequel, sucks like a White House intern. It sucks like a high-powered vaccum cleaner. It sucks like the Olsen Twins should be now that they're 18. It's as fucked up as a football bat. It's dumber than a box of hammers. I wouldn't touch it with a 41 foot pole, which is the pole I reserve for things that I wouldn't touch with a 40 foot pole, unless I was beating the movie with a 40 foot pole. I hope and pray that this movie gets frontpaged, just because it would be brought to public attention and blammed like the sorry waste of precious, precious bandwidth that it is.

...god I feel better.

People find this review helpful!
Opja responds:



this woz alrite da only prob i had wit it woz that i dint read all of the speech bubles tingys coz dey came an went 2fast otherwise it woz alrite

Me rikey

Ya! Me rikey arott!

Seriously, I enjoyed the craptacular choices Nintendo would leave you (I guess I'm goin' down), along with the dialogue we would infrquently dub ('Fuck you, fuckin' muthafuckah! *****RaTTtttTtTTttttTtttT*****.)

Yes...I like this Stick Feature.

Go purple dude!

What is the purple stick a fucking athlete that accidently wound up in the "sphere"? I mean come on! 5 TON Anvil drops on him followed by the mashing shit and the spikes... How can you survive that?? Also with the guards.. I felt it was kind of hilarious when the one was telling about the boss. He was like half dead and yet he was still talking. :P I imagine how strong purple stick is to kick his head off in one hit and how fast to avoid all that shit...
Ya need a better storyline :( (This review was a compliment for people that don't want to read all of it.)

Click on an icon to vote on this!

Credits & Info

2.97 / 5.00

Jun 2, 2003
3:38 PM EDT
More Movies